Why temper tantrums aren't bad behavior in children

Many parents believe crying and temper tantrums are bad behavior in children. This is a common mistake made by parents of young children especially. Most of us in society can handle a baby crying, but any older, and they are "too old" to cry. No child is too old to cry. No child is too old to unleash a tantrum. Temper tantrums are only an entitlement problem in adults. In children, they are normal.

The centerpiece of an attached Christian parenting relationship is Christian Agape love, as denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to prioritizing children first, and yourself as a parent last, in a convicted way leading to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the good works of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This form of respect for parents does not come from fearful compliance, but restful trust in parents, with children confiding anything and everything into parents, including admissions of wrongdoing or non-conforming traits, expecting absolutely no punishment or reprisal in return for telling parents what is on their mind. In this loving and affirming environment, children take after parents, want to be like a parent, then follow their example. Children cannot be expected to follow your example right away, as they are immature and should be expected to engage in childish behaviors, due to poor emotional regulation due to immature development.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, under biblical law, at minimum, is defined as the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. To disprove parental entitlement in court when a child cries when denied an item, the parent must apologize by reassuring the child of their presence and that they are loved, while saying "no" nonetheless. Only say "no" when you have to. In this commandment, the Apostle Paul was lifting up the Law against punishment and controlling demeanor towards children, rebuking Greek Christian parents for bringing their pagan custom of spanking children into the church. Christian parents of Greek origin were misusing the book of Proverbs to justify their pagan punishment habits, which existed as far back as the 1st Century, when this passage was written. Paul was warning parents in the Colossian church that Proverbs is simply wisdom literature - a list of wise sayings - and not a parenting manual. The rod verses - all seven of them - do not refer to raising children when understood in context, but to a father whipping his son 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction after being subpoenaed to do so by the Sanhedrin, or Jewish criminal court. The punishment was intended as a final warning that if the offender re-offended, they would be put to death. The Bible was mistranslated from its original language to Latin by the Roman Catholic Church to sound more authoritarian, and this was to pander to the interests of European pagans who whipped and beat their children in order to discipline them.

Crying was dealt with very differently in biblical times. Crying was seen as a child petitioning for a need, and usually, parents surrendered to that need. Children went naked wherever they went, and women were traditionally naked in the home to serve her husband and her children, separately. When children cried or threw a tantrum in biblical times, mothers picked them up and held them to her bosom, and then the child calmed down within minutes.

As a mother, using your bosom to reassure your child is a key trick to de-escalating a ramping up child. Some women wear shirts with plunging necklines not because of wanting to please men, but in order to please their child, meaning children are to be held, by the head, to the exposed skin, and given skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy. Within a few minutes, your child should be de-escalated and ready to talk. This is a time-in, as it was done in biblical times. 

"Time-in" is simply a modern term for the most time-honored method of dealing with a ramping up child. Time-in, practiced properly, involves using the mother's bosom as a safe place for children to rest their heads and cry their eyes out, venting everything into their mother's body. That part of a woman's anatomy is not for men to sexually objectify, but instead is there to nurture children.

No child is "too old to cry". Some teenagers cry and tantrum because they have a developmental disability such as autism, or a mood disorder such as bipolar disorder. Crying is communication, usually that they need attention. Children usually need attention when they are scared, and think you can reassure them. Crying is how typically developing children communicate up until age 6, or sometimes even older. Crying is a fight-or-flight response that children are scared, and the word "no" is enough to scare most children. Some children become physically violent when startled like that, whereas most children simply cry and maybe throw things. The idea is to reassure the child that the parent is there, and that they are loved and cared for. Also, do take care to give children whatever they want, when it can be given, even if the task is burdensome, because they are only children once, and then when they grow up, you missed out because you were too busy complaining and saying "no" all of the time. Benign deprivation does NOT work. It is abuse. Give them everything they need, knowing that everything they want points to a need of some sort.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!