Why a secure parent-child bond is crucial to raising children

Many parents have their own ideas on raising children. The idea is usually that adults give commands, and children must obey. Why? They say children need to understand what it is like in "the real world". The fact of the matter is that a secure parent-child bond is what prepares for the real world. This means attachment parenting, which is the God-ordained method of dealing with children in the Bible.

The centerpiece of an attached Christian parenting relationship is Christian Agape love for children, as denoted in the New Testament by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao), and refers to prioritizing children first, and yourself last, in a fearful and convicted way leading to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing from children or others, with children resting safely and securely in the good works of parents, not worrying about a thing. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This form of respect for parents does not come from fearful compliance, but instead comes from restful trust in parents, with children feeling safe in confiding into parents about anything and everything that is on their mind, including admissions of wrongdoing and non-conforming traits, expecting absolutely no punishment or reprisal in return. This Greek root word lifts up the attachment parenting context of Early Christian context, which was part of the customary law of the time. Customary law under Judeo-Christian tradition states, in sum, that parents work to win over the affection of their children, and children rest without a worry in the rest of parents.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, as defined under biblical law, at minimum, is the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This commandment, in context, was understood clearly as a prohibition on all forms of punitive parenting, such as any form of punishment or controlling demeanor towards children. The Apostle Paul here was lifting up the offenses of theft and kidnapping, but especially kidnapping, to warn Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking children into the church. Greek Christian parents misused the book of Proverbs even then to justify their punishment habits. Paul was warning parents in the Colossian church that the seven rod verses in Proverbs are repealed verses, and only apply to the legal context within Judaism then, denoting a form of judicial corporal punishment where the father was appointed by the court (usually by force - fathers were usually hostile witnesses against their own children) to issue 40 minus 1 lashes to warn his ADULT child of impending doom by execution if he didn't reform his behavior. We are talking about criminal activity here, not mere defiance or "back talk". 

In Ancient Israel and the Early Church both, the goal of every parent was a secure parent-child bond. Mothers played a large role in the upbringing of their children, and could decide unilaterally that an unsafe male, including her own husband, not touch the children. Children ranged beside her by day when at home, with both mother and child being completely naked, occasionally with children wanting to be picked up or snuggled with. By night, mothers slept next to their children to lull them to sleep, with both parties completely naked to soothe the child with skin-to-skin closeness. Children went completely naked in biblical times, and this made it easy for mothers to bond with their children.

Children were deified in biblical times, meaning seen as an extension of God. Children were seen then as angelic figures, like "gods" and "goddesses" that ruled over parents, and summoned parents to meet a need or give them what they wanted when what they wanted wasn't harmful. Children got a lot of what they wanted in biblical times, as children usually demand what they need in the form of a want. Parents in biblical times treated children with respect like they would God Himself, and took children seriously like they did God's Law and Commands. Whatever the child said was Law, for the most part, with parents overruling children rarely. Children were idealized as being in place of God while on earth.

Skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy is crucial for a secure parent-child bond, and this isn't just with infants. A way to reenact the context in the biblical tense, if you are their mother, is to snuggle with children right when getting out of the shower - just lay on the bed, and invite the children to come over. Skin-to-skin closeness is especially important for reassuring crying, in which case the proper Christian time-in procedure for mothers, in specific, is to not only kneel to the child's level, but hold them close to your bosom, head first, with them hearing your heartbeat. Within 1-2 minutes, the tantrum should be over. Children of all ages cry for the same reason a baby cries - they want love! So, why not give them some loving attention? 

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!