Why parents should have zero expectations in parenting

Many parents think it is good to have high expectations for children. This is a common mistake parents make, thinking children are little adults. Should we have any expectations for children at all? The fact of the matter is that we should have preferences instead of expectations.

The Greek root word denoting entitlement in the New Testament, and cross-referencing the Tenth Commandment, in the New Testament, is πλεονέκτης (Latin: pleonektés) and refers, officially speaking, to wanting things from children, to the point of imposition. Unofficially, this word refers to wanting anything from a child, period. Basically, when you know you will throw a temper tantrum due to a request being denied, that request comes from entitlement. Expecting anything from a child will surely lead to parents being sorely disappointed when children don't live up to the expectations that the parent imposes. Any want imposed on a child like this is entitlement.

The centerpiece of an attached Christian parenting relationship is Christian Agape love for children, as denoted in the New Testament by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao), which refers to prioritizing children first, and yourself as a parent last, in a fearful and convicted way leading to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children or others, with children resting safely and securely in the good works of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This form of respect for parents does not come from fearful compliance, but instead comes from restful trust in parents, with children feeling safe in confiding into parents anything and everything that is on their mind, including admissions of wrongdoing or non-conforming traits, expecting absolutely no punishment or reprisal in return. Attachment parenting was the established norm in biblical times, with such parenting being mandated under customary law, which the Greek root word here lifts up.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, as defined under biblical law, at minimum, is the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, at minimum, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child. This commandment, in its original context, was seen as prohibiting punitive parenting in all of its forms, including all forms of punishment or controlling demeanor. The Apostle Paul was lifting up the Law on theft and kidnapping - but especially kidnapping - to Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking children into the church. Greek Christian parents were misusing the book of Proverbs to justify their punishment habits even in the 1st Century, when this passage was first recorded. Paul here was explaining that all seven verses in Proverbs that mention the rod are repealed verses, and do not refer to raising children. Instead, they refer to a form of judicial corporal punishment within Judaism where the father was court ordered to issue 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction upon a lawbreaking son, warning him that he would be put to death if he re-offended. Capital and corporal punishment, under Roman law, were shunned by the Early Church, with only mutual accountability between spouses allowed as a form of corporal punishment. The Early Church banned ALL punishment of children, including corporal punishment.

What is the difference between expectations and preferences? Preferences are simply a statement of values that isn't imposed on children. Once you impose a preference onto a child, it becomes an expectation. Expectations, by definition, are imposed in nature, and denote a want, hence all expectations for children are entitlement.

Children, most of the time, are punished in America for behaviors that are developmentally appropriate behaviors, meaning behaviors that are understandable in children given their age and development. Most childish behaviors that annoy you (but not the child or anyone else) are a phase in development, and won't be there forever. 

Children should be left to develop on their own, without expectations being imposed on them. Children aren't stagnant people in terms of growth. Children develop quite quickly, if you let them. Children go through all different phases, at the same time trying to keep your values, while not having the self-regulation to keep such values right away. The core of most behaviors in childhood is poor self-regulation, and self-regulation is a skill that takes time to perfect, meaning the entirety of childhood into early adulthood. So, with all this information, why impose any expectations onto a child? Why not let them be and let them grow on their own.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!