Mutual submission: Why parents must win over their children's respect (not demand it)

Many parents think they deserve respect, and demand it from their children. It is a common belief from parents that they deserve respect. The fact of the matter is that children and parents submit to each other. Burden of proof is on the parent to prove love and respect for children. Children owe nothing to parents, and parents owe everything to children. 

The centerpiece of an attached Christian parenting relationship is Christian Agape love for children, as denoted in the New Testament by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao), and refers to prioritizing children first, and yourself as a parent last, in a fearful and convicted way leading to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children or others, with children resting safely and securely in the good works of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This form of respect for parents does not come from fearful compliance, but instead comes from restful trust in parents, with children feeling safe confiding into parents anything and everything that is on their mind, including admissions of wrongdoing or non-conforming traits, expecting absolutely no punishment or reprisal in return. Attachment parenting, in biblical times, was the established norm, meaning it was customary law that parents have a secure parent-child bond with their child. Parents won over their children's trust and affection by treating them with the utmost tact, love, and respect.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, especially child abuse in context, translating directly to "vex" in the present-tense. Child abuse, as defined under biblical law, at minimum, is the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child. This commandment was understood, in the context in which it was given, to prohibit all forms of punitive parenting, including punishment and controlling demeanor towards children. The Apostle Paul was lifting up the Law on theft and kidnapping - but mainly kidnapping - in order to rebuke Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking children into the church. Greek Christian parents misused the book of Proverbs even in the 1st Century, when this passage was written. Paul was explaining that the rod verses - all seven of them - are repealed verses, meaning they are written only to the context that they were given to. They do not refer to raising children, but to judicial corporal punishment of young men, meaning ADULT sons who committed a capital offense, as a warning that he would be put to death if he continued his unlawful behavior.

Parents in biblical times did not demand anything from their children. They just provided, just as they would serve God, with children being in the place of God. Parents saw themselves as extensions of Christ in the family home, serving a Godhead which is children. Children were heavily deified in Ancient Jewish culture, including Early Christian culture, and were treated with the same reverent respect that parents would show God. Children were valued as mini "gods" and "goddesses" to serve, with their every demand being a lawful and binding order coming from God Himself, thus parents took heed to their children's demands, with children getting much of what they want and all of what they need.

How were children treated in practice? Children were allowed to go naked wherever they went, with women traditionally being naked in the home, serving both their husband and their children, separately. Children ranged by their mothers, and sometimes clung to them, by day. By night, children slept next to their mothers until they shook off their parents and were ready to sleep on their own. Children were benefitted everything they needed, and a lot of what they wanted as well.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!