Why children should have zero expectations in parenting

Many parents think that children should be held to high expectations. This is a common mistake that parents make, thinking they are doing their children a service. However, expectations lead to sore disappointment when not met, so why hold children to any expectations? Children should be held to zero expectations whatsoever.

The Greek root word denoting entitlement in the New Testament, and cross-referencing the Tenth Commandment, is πλεονέκτης (Latin: pleonektés) and refers officially to parental entitlement, or wanting things from children, to the point of imposition. Unofficially, this word refers to all want in relation to children, meaning wanting anything from a child. Ask, and you shall receive from your child, if he or she is developmentally ready. Demand, and you get nothing but resentment from a child. Expecting anything, including from a child, is bound to lead to sore disappointment when the child does not conform to expectations. Preferences, on the other hand, are acceptable in parenting in terms of behavior or in other realms of parenting.

The centerpiece of an attached Christian parenting relationship is Christian love, as denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao). This refers to Christian Agape love for children, meaning prioritizing children first, and yourself as the parent last, in a convicted way leading to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children or others, with children resting safely and securely in parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing in all things. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This form of respect does not come from fearful compliance, but instead restful trust in parents, with children telling parents anything and everything that is on their mind, including admissions of wrongdoing or non-conforming traits, expecting absolutely no punishment or reprisal in return. Children in biblical times took after the traits of their parents, wanting to be like their parents, thus following their example. Children didn't follow the example of parents right away, but fell down, got back up, and then only fully followed the example of parents once attaining adulthood, as a way to give back to good parents in a cooperative way.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, under biblical law, at minimum, is defined as the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. In this commandment, the Apostle Paul is lifting up the Law against punishment and controlling demeanor towards children, rebuking Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking children into the church. Christian parents of Greek origin were misusing the book of Proverbs even in the 1st Century, when this passage was written. Paul was warning parents that Proverbs is simply wisdom literature - a list of wise sayings - and not a parenting manual. The rod verses refer not to raising children, but to an ancient, archaic legal practice in ancient Judaism. This was a form of judicial corporal punishment involving 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction, as a final warning before putting to death a lawbreaking ADULT child. This punishment only occurred in the Old Testament, and only rarely.

Most children in the United States are punished for developmentally appropriate behavior, meaning understandable behavior given their age and development. The idea is to let go of some behavior, while responding to others with love and concern. Instructions from parents should be a righteous test, meaning when a child doesn't listen to instruction, it should be assumed that children simply don't understand what parents instruct of them. Sometimes, children cry. Children of any age cry for the same reason an infant cries - they want love. So, give a crying child some love. 

Children in biblical times rarely left the side of mothers, up until age 6. Mothers then held their children to their bosom when they cried, with both mother and child completely naked at the time. Holding a child to your bosom stops the crying real fast, as it is a very reassuring and relaxing experience for the child. Mothers didn't expect anything then of their children, instead simply focusing on their every need, treating even older children with the care and concern most people today would treat an infant.

There is a difference between expectations and preferences. An expectation is when you want something from a child, and you impose it. However, when you expect anything, you set yourself up to be sorely disappointed when a child doesn't meet your expectations. A preference is like an expectation, but it isn't imposed. A preference is merely a statement of values that isn't binding or imposed on a child. Some preferences, such as behavioral preferences, are to be voiced. Other preferences, such as sexual preferences, should not be voiced to the child, but instead away from the child. It is good to have preferences for your child, not expectations.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!