"Honor parents": Understanding the Fifth Commandment in context

Many parents believe they have the right to be respected and honored, meaning they demand respect and honor from their children. This is a common misapplication of the Fifth Commandment. The Fifth Commandment is a commandment that can be applied in many different ways, but never in a way that leads to parents demanding respect from anyone. Respect is earned in life, and respect for parents is earned in life.

The Fifth Commandment reads in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

This commandment was put in place to prevent and punish elder abuse among the Israelites. Elder abuse was far from rampant in Ancient Israel, but was a very isolating form of abuse to experience, due to societal stigma. Victims of elder abuse in Ancient Israel were often blamed for their own abuse, with bystanders saying things like "Where did that child learn to behave that way?". Taking the stand in court against your own child was seen as shameful, as Jewish society then took the side of the child in all cases. That is why God handed down the parent protection laws. They were rarely enforced, and never enforced fully, meaning no child was put to death for abusing their parents. "Do not curse your parents" alludes to a gaslighting curse, and "do not strike your parents" referred to a long, documented history of beatings and attacks on parents.

The centerpiece of an attached Christian parenting relationship is Christian love, as denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao). This refers to Christian Agape love for children, namely prioritizing children first, and yourself as a parent last, in a convicted way leading to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This form of respect for parents does not come from fearful compliance, but rather restful trust in parents, with children telling parents anything and everything that is on their minds, including admissions of wrongdoing or non-conforming traits, expecting absolutely no punishment or reprisal in return. Children in this environment eventually take after parents, wanting to be like them, then following their example. Children cannot be expected to follow the example of parents right away, but instead should be expected to try to be like parents, fall down, and get back up again, engaging in developmentally appropriate behavior often termed as "bad" behavior. Children will eventually get it on their own, but need to be given space to be able to emulate the example of parents fully, which should be a skill perfected come adulthood, but not before then.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, under biblical law, at minimum, is defined as the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. In this commandment, the Apostle Paul was lifting up the Law against punishment and controlling demeanor towards children, rebuking Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking children into the church. Christian parents of Greek origin were misusing the book of Proverbs as a justification for their punishment habits even then. Paul was warning parents that Proverbs is simply wisdom literature - a list of wise sayings - and not a parenting instruction manual. The verses in Proverbs that deal with the rod do not have to do with raising children at all, and instead refer to an ancient, archaic legal practice within Judaism, where the father was subpoenaed to impose 40 minus 1 lashes as a form of judicial corporal punishment/ 

All the Fifth Commandment means for children is that they should rest in the love and grace of parents. This form of rest means children have no worries, and parents worry for the children. Ultimately, this translated, in biblical times, to a secure parent-child bond. Children up until age 6 never left the side of parents, with children instead resting in the bosom of mothers.

Children were naked wherever they went in biblical times, and women were traditionally naked in order to serve their husbands and children, separately. Mothers snuggled with their children when in the home, with children ranging and clinging beside her up until age 6 when in the home, and children up until that age held close to mothers in swaddling blankets when out and about. Sometimes, mothers would go to the city to buy produce or other foods at market, and children were always held to her bosom. This is how children rested in parents in biblical times.

Children respected parents in biblical times when parents were good parents, and did so by collaborating and cooperating with parents when they were older, meaning as young adults, and taking after the example of parents, usually the parent of the same sex. Taking up the example of parents was seen as the ultimate respect for a parent, and it happened naturally, because children were not punished in biblical times for developmentally appropriate behavior like they are today, nor were they punished when they had developmental delays. Minor children were expected to be rebellious to the example of parents. Children usually followed the religious example of parents as young adults after coming up with every reason not to, with this rebellion being seen as understandable among parents and adults.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!