How to give instructions to children the proper way (righteous instruction, righteous test)

Many parents believe in setting limits. It is good to set limits some of the time, but many parents set limits all of the time, and back it up with punishment when children don't listen. This is a common mistake among parents. Children need to be given instructions in terms of a righteous test, meaning children often cannot follow instructions due to brain incapacity.

It says in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, as this is the first commandment with promise; That is may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to a specific standard of giving instructions to children. In biblical times, parents gave instructions to children only occasionally, and otherwise allowed children to develop freely. When children didn't listen to instructions, it was assumed that the child did not understand the instructions, with this due to the child not having proper emotional and cognitive development. The Ancient Jews were quite sensitive about child development. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, under biblical law, at minimum, is defined as the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This was intended, by the Apostle Paul, to prohibit all forms of punishment and controlling demeanor towards children. Paul was rebuking Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking children into the church, which was justified by the rod verses in Proverbs. Paul was explaining to the Ephesian church that the rod verses had nothing to do with raising children, but instead referred to an ancient, archaic legal practice within Judaism where the father of an ADULT child was subpoenaed to issue 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction as a means of warning the offender that the next time they re-offended, they would be put to death on the spot. These harsh punishments were rare in the Old Testament, and never happened in the Early Church. Apart from mutual accountability between spouses, corporal punishment did not happen in the Early Church. 

The centerpiece of an attached Christian parenting relationship is Christian love, as denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to prioritizing children first, and yourself as a parent last, in a convicted way leading to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children and others, with children resting safely and securely in the good works of parents. Parents work to win over their children, and children rest in the good works of parents, as denoted by the Greek root word translated "obey", which is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo). This rest is an active rest, where children can vent into parents without worry, with this loving and affirming environment leading to children eventually following the example of parents.

Instructions in biblical times came as a form of righteous test, meaning instructions were given to test to see if a child was really able to follow instructions. Children in biblical times were not punished for not following directions, but kept safe using logical consequences at the most. A logical consequence could mean things such as removing a child from an unsafe situation, separating siblings or children that were experimenting with sex, and so forth. Children were heavily supervised to begin with, meaning children never left the line of sight of parents. Apart from that, no forceful measures could be used in parenting, as it was unlawful.

The procedure in biblical times on setting limits was to give an instruction, and if the child didn't listen the first time, it would be assumed that the child would not listen to instructions until later, when they were ready cognitively and emotionally. Sometimes, however, the situation was urgent, meaning the child was endangering themselves and/or others, in which case they were removed from the situation, and then reassured with statements such as "You scared me, acting like that" in a reassuring tone of voice. Removing children from unsafe situations is a logical consequence.

Most behaviors that children are punished for in this country are developmentally appropriate behaviors. Most problematic behaviors are phases, and if allowed to just be, the behaviors will go away quickly in most cases. Part of the fact that most behaviors are phases is that you need to give very little instruction to a child, apart from redirecting them from unsafe behavior. Most behaviors are to be left alone, meaning no instructions given to correct behaviors that simply bother parents, and not the child or anyone else Just because a behavior bothers you doesn't mean it should be extinguished. It will extinguish itself on its own, and if it doesn't, that is a sign of mental illness in a child. 

With unsafe behaviors, maybe you need to remove the child from the situation, if the child is hyperfocused on the situation, perhaps due to autism. Usually, with most children, you can easily distract them by creating another activity that is safe and fun for them, perhaps kneeling down and playing on their level. It is okay to pick up a child from the street, but that is where use of force stops. It is not okay to spank or otherwise punish a child to deter the child from running into the street. They, cognitively and emotionally, cannot understand why the street is unsafe, or else they would have a natural fear of moving cars. Be sure to reassure them after you pick them up that you were worried about them. Same when separating your child from their sexual partner in the case of sexual intercourse or activity with peers. But, that can ultimately be prevented by supervision from the get go.

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!