Zero expectations in parenting: Why children should have no expectations imposed upon them

Many parents think that children need high expectations. This is a common belief among parents, and one that is in error. Most parents impose these high expectations on children, not knowing that children develop slowly, not overnight. The fact of the matter is that children should have no expectations imposed upon them.

Entitlement, in the New Testament, is denoted by the Greek root word πλεονέκτης (Latin: pleonektés). Officially, this word refers to parental entitlement, or want from or of children to the point of imposition. Unofficially, this refers to wanting anything from a child, period. When you expect anything from children, you might end up sorely disappointed, because children are going to develop the way they are going to develop, and you can't speed up that pace with expectations. Any time you are sorely disappointed at not getting something you wanted from someone else, you are entitled in that instance. Ask, and you shall receive from your child, if they are ready developmentally. Demand, and you get nothing but resentment from your child.

The centerpiece of an attached Christian parenting relationship is Christian love, as denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao), and refers to prioritizing children first, and yourself as a parent last, in a convicted way leading to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children or others, with children resting safely and securely in parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This form of respect for parents does not come from fearful compliance, but from restful trust in parents, with children telling parents anything and everything that is on their mind, including admissions of wrongdoing, expecting absolutely no punishment or reprisal in return. This sort of safe environment leads to children forming a secure parent-child bond with a parent, leading to the child following the loving example of parents, seeking to be like parents or else a favored parent.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, under biblical law, at minimum, is the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. In this commandment, the Apostle Paul was lifting up the Law against punishment and controlling demeanor towards children, rebuking Greek Christian parents for bringing their pagan custom of spanking children into the church, with Christian parents of Greek descent misusing the book of Proverbs as an excuse for abuse even in the 1st Century, when this passage was written. Paul was warning the Greek Christians in the Colossian parish that Proverbs was simply wisdom literature, in this case a book of wise sayings, meaning not a book on parenting. Paul himself was anti-spanking, and opposed any punishment of a child, for any reason. King Solomon was the same way towards minor children, with the rod verses instead referring to an archaic form of judicial corporal punishment for ADULT children done then in conjunction with the death penalty - the 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction.

Expectations are imposed wants on a child, meaning you want them to be a certain way, walk a certain way, talk a certain way, and behave a certain way. Any wants imposed are entitlement, and covetous sin when said imposition is defended in court. Preferences are simply a statement of values that isn't binding or imposed onto a child, but is simply what an adult would like to see in a child. They can be stated as a form of encouragement. Preferences become expectations once they are imposed or enforced on a child, and all expectations of people outside of the Law is entitlement, with children not being legal subjects under the Law, but instead being exempt from prosecution. Preferences should stay preferences. Some preferences are good to state, such as behavioral preferences. Others should be channeled away from the child, such as sexual preferences.

Most children are punished in America for behaviors that are developmentally appropriate in nature. The idea is to let go of some behavior, and respond to others with love and concern. A young child might want to scream at the top of her lungs in the store, for seemingly no reason at all. In that case, the child just likes to hear her voice. That voice is new to her, and so she is exercising her lungs. Let her. Children of all ages cry for the same reason an infant cries - they want love and attention, so give it to them.

In biblical times, children who cried were held close to the mother's bosom, in skin-to-skin closeness. Children went naked then wherever they went, and mothers were traditionally naked in the home. Children ran to mothers in the nude when they were upset. Today, a child can be held to the top of the bosom of mothers for instant comfort and reassurance, and then the child learns to be honest and tell parents everything that upsets them. This is better than punishing them based on entitled expectations. Every cry from a child comes for a reason, and no child is "too old to cry".

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!