Why punishment of children is banned in the Bible

Many parents punish their children in order to "get them to listen". This is a common mistake made by parents, and an abusive one. The commandment not to provoke children to anger prohibits punishment of children, as well as any controlling demeanor towards children. God's Law is the law of the land.

The centerpiece of an attached Christian parenting relationship is Christian love, denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to prioritizing children first, and yourself as a parent last, in a convicted way leading to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children or others, with children resting safely and securely in parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable trust in the love and grace of parents. This form of respect for parents does not come from fearful compliance, but from restful trust in parents, with children telling parents anything and everything that is on their minds, including admissions of wrongdoing, expecting absolutely no punishment or reprisal in return. This form of safe environment encouraged children to want to be like parents, and follow their loving example. Children don't pick up the example right away, but as they get older, they are more like their parents, and more cooperative with parents.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, under biblical law, at minimum, is defined as the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. In this commandment, the Apostle Paul was lifting up the Law against punishment and controlling demeanor towards children, rebuking Greek Christian parents for bringing their pagan custom of spanking children into the church. Christian parents of Greek origin were misusing the book of Proverbs to justify their punishment habit even in the 1st Century, when this passage was written. Paul here was warning that Proverbs is merely wisdom literature - a bunch of sayings - not a book for parenting commands. Paul was against punishing a child for any reason, as was King Solomon. The book of Proverbs refers to an archaic form of judicial corporal punishment designed for ADULT children, and one that was carried out once in a lifetime - the 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction, as a final warning before putting a repeat criminal offender to death.

Punishment of ANY child is a moral crime. Punitive parenting arose out of mistranslations reeking of Greco-Roman cultural bias when the Bible was translated into Latin. The Hebrew root word translated "child" in all of the rod verses is נַעֵר (Latin: na'ar) and refers to a young man, not a minor child. The Roman Catholic Church pandered to the punishment habits of European pagans, absorbing those pagan methods of parenting into Christianity. The true teachings of Christianity concerning parenting are attachment based.

The alternative to punishment is to form a secure parent-child bond. Children went naked wherever they went, and women were traditionally naked in the family home, to please both their husbands and their children, separately. Mothers held children close to their bosom in skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy. Children up until age 6 never left the side of their mothers, and children much older, perhaps into adulthood, slept next to mothers...This context may be a bit dated, but can be applied today, perhaps with sone tweaking.

Most punishment happens at bedtime. Children in Ancient Israel and the Early Church slept next to mothers up until age 6 at the very least, and usually even older. This was because children then, like today, were naturally afraid of predators in the home coming and eating them up. This is a valid fear in a child, as most child sexual abuse takes place in the child's own home. The idea is to give in and give up, sleeping next to your child, as a 2- or 3-year-old is not old enough to sleep on their own. They need a bodyguard, so to speak, and no bodyguard is as protective as a mother. It is recommended that mothers partially or fully disrobe, and invite children to do the same, for full skin-to-skin comfort and safety. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast in to the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!