Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This form of respect for parents is not based on fearful compliance, but restful trust in parents, with children telling parents anything and everything that is on their mind, including admissions of wrongdoing, expecting absolutely nothing in return. Attachment parenting was the norm in Ancient Israel and the Early Church. Think a Christian mother holding pales of water, with a young child being wrapped up next to her bosom, and an older child strapped to her back in a papoose bag. That was the selfless nature of biblical parenting, and it is all relevant today. Rest in a mother's bosom is the deepest level of surrender that a child is capable of. Parents serve children, bending over backwards, apologizing to their children for their existence and the harm of said adult existence.
The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, under biblical law, is defined as the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. In this commandment, the Apostle Paul is lifting up the Law against punishment and controlling demeanor towards children, rebuking Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking children into the church. Parents were misusing the book of Proverbs for pro-spanking purposes even then. The Apostle Paul, here, was warning parents that Proverbs is simply wisdom literature, not a book about parenting. The Apostle Paul was anti-spanking. Spanking, as a custom, did not come from King Solomon - Solomon was against punishing a child for any reason - but instead originated in pagan Greco-Roman rituals intended to "purify" children of impurity. Under Roman law, a legal defense existed for striking children, known as patrias potestas, whereas Jewish and Christian law did not have a legal defense for punishing minor children. The 40 minus 1 lashes mentioned in Proverbs was not practiced in the Early Church, as Christ experienced the same punishment before being executed.
The goal of every biblical parent was having a secure parent-child bond. Mothers and fathers played different roles in raising children. Mothers were charged with the role of providing nourishment and sustenance, namely breastmilk and skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy respectively. Children then went naked everywhere they went, and mothers were also naked within the confines of the family home. Mothers and children snuggled in the nude, engaging in skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy, with such closeness leading to reassurance and comfort for children, and a lower level of attachment for parents. Mothers wore children under age 6 on their bosom with swaddling blankets, holding them under a loose fitting dress (think a two-sided apron) with the swaddling blankets wrapped around the bosom area. Fathers were more distant, but in a passive way that children could easily draw them in for extra attention or hanging out. It was a more casual relationship that was encouraging in nature, not in a gruff way, but in a melting, passive type of way. A Christian man usually was disciplined in a Christ-like way, but melted around the children when he got home. Fathers then had parent attraction to their children, at the connotational "sun tan spray" level, but had no parent anger. The ancients did have a concept of child sexual abuse, and it was seen as wicked and depraved behavior. Children were instead simply put on a pedestal and deified by both parents as an extension of God to please and appease, meaning all of a parent's children constituted the Godhead commanding them to meet their needs. Fathers spoke of their children in baroque, angelic language in order to show, in court, their sexual attraction to their children, which was regarded as a parenting flaw and something to channel elsewhere, such as fantasy.
Free play was the norm in Ancient Israel and the Early Church, but with children being supervised at all times. A great deal of games played then would be considered high-risk today, with the most high-stakes game being "marriage". A Christian marriage in the Bible was defined, in terms of contract, by the consummation and continued sexual contact between husband, after signing papers authorizing the consummation, known as the betrothal. Most children simply embraced while naked, with children always being naked in biblical times. But, parents could tell when a boy would want to penetrate. The two were separated, with separation of siblings being the sternest measure in Christian parenting in biblical times. Even then, parents were warm about it, with fathers reassuring young sons "you'll get a chance, someday". Parents in biblical times were some of the most non-shaming parents about sexual issues, despite the biblical context being sex-critical as a whole. Children were not sheltered from the sexual realities of life, and even young children knew what sex was because they witnessed it at home, even though most children were afraid to have sexual relations with each other due to them knowing of sexual purity norms through the atmosphere. You just didn't have sex outside of marriage then, no matter how old you were, but otherwise, exploring sexuality was normal, for both boys and girls, and even young children "found themselves" and masturbated.
Children were seen very differently in biblical times than today. They were known to be mischevious and rebellious, and that was seen as their nature. However, parents doted on these attitudes of mischief as perfect imperfections, deifying the child because of their flaws, not despite. Children would run around the house and make messes, knocking valuable items over, and would laugh - and the parents laughed right with them.
We have gotten our values wrong before, and corrected them. We learned from atrocities committed in the name of God and Scripture such as slavery and Jim Crow. Abolitionists made their case by debunking lies about the Bible and its context that allowed for slavery to flourish. America is a Christian nation, founded on Judeo-Christian family values. We are still working to understand our values, and how to better apply them, in order to include minority groups such as children into society. God's Law is above the law of the land, and attachment parenting is a command under God's Law for all Christians everywhere. Our Constitution allows for many civil liberties and freedoms, but without religion as a moral compass for society, democracy would descend into chaos, meaning the wisdom of the Bible complements the Constitution, and isn't opposed to it. No one church denomination is necessarily the national denomination, but the Founding Fathers wanted at least some religion. Our framers were flawed - many of them owned slaves, and most engaged in domestic violence with their wives - but they were used by God to form a country. Attachment parenting is in the Bible, and so since we follow the Bible as a nation, we are to be an attachment parenting society, just as it was in the Early Church or even Ancient Israel.
The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!
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