Attachment parenting in the Bible: A family tradition

Many parents think punitive parenting is a family tradition, and cite the Bible as justification for that "family tradition". It is a common mistake that the Bible allows for the punishment of children. The fact of the matter is that attachment parenting is the accepted norm throughout the Bible. Attachment parenting is the most time-honored form of parenting ever practiced by parents.

The centerpiece of an attached Christian parenting relationship is Christian love, as denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to prioritizing children first, and yourself as a parent last, in a convicted way leading to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: as is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This form of respect for parents does not come from fearful compliance, but instead comes from restful trust in parents, with children telling parents anything and everything that is on their minds, including admissions of wrongdoing, expecting absolutely no punishment or reprisal in return. This sort of environment leads to children taking after their parents, wanting to be like their parents, and then following their example in terms of values and demeanor. Children did not take after their parents right away, meaning young children were still free spirits, but when children were older, they started taking after their parents, usually the parent of the same sex, looking up to parents, wanting to be like them.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse in this context. Child abuse, under biblical law, at minimum, is defined as the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including the slightest of offensive touch and speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. In this commandment, the Apostle Paul was lifting up the Law against punishment and controlling demeanor towards children, rebuking Greek Christian parents for bringing their pagan custom of spanking children into the church. Christian parents of Greek origin were using the book of Proverbs as a justification for their punishment habits even in the 1st Century, when this passage was written. Paul was warning Greek Christian parents that Proverbs is simply wisdom literature - meaning wise sayings - and not divine instructions on how to raise children. Paul himself was anti-spanking and was against punishing a child for any reason, as was King Solomon. Proverbs wasn't referring to switching a child, but to applying a switch to an ADULT child who was convicted of a criminal act. The rod verses in Proverbs were specific to Judaism, and specifically how Judaism was practiced in the Old Testament.

Mothers and fathers served different roles in a child's life. Mothers provided nourishment and sustenance to children, namely breastmilk and skin-to-skin closeness respectively. Children went naked wherever they went, and women traditionally were naked in the family home to serve their husbands and children, separately. Mother and child snuggled in the nude, with mothers sleeping next to their young children by night, and co-mingled to their young children with swaddling blankets by day. Mothers held their children close to their bosom, especially young children under age 6, with swaddling blankets, with children never leaving the side of mothers until age 6, being guarded from the self-interest of their fathers. Fathers took a more casual role, encouraging children in their self-directed religious education, otherwise hanging out with their children, being passive to their demands like a human ragdoll. Fathers usually had connotational sexual attraction to children, of the "sun tan spray" sort. It came out as an extra drive to nurture the child on an equal level, but in a way that mothers knew there was something behind it. Child sexual abuse was still seen as wicked even then, and adult fornicators of children were excommunicated from Christian churches, and put to death in the Old Testament. Fathers spoke of their children in flowery, baroque language to answer for their attractions in court...This context may be dated a little bit, but most of it is applicable, at least with some tweaking.

Free play was allowed in biblical times, but with supervision. Many of the games played were high-risk in nature, with the most high-stakes game being "marriage", where a wedding ceremony was reinacted. Marriage contracts then were signed on the dotted line by the husband to the wife by way of sexual intercourse. Most children simply embraced when pretend-playing that scene. Sometimes, however, a child did try to penetrate, and then the two were separated, the sternest penalty a Hebrew or Christian parent could set forth. Boys were reassured "you'll get a chance, someday"...This context is to help the reader understand what parents were really like in Ancient Israel and the Early Church.

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!