Why talking back to parents is allowed in the Bible

Many parents think children should not speak against them. Most parents in the United States punish children or otherwise discourage defiance and speaking against parents, citing the Fifth Commandment as an excuse for this entitled attitude. The Bible, in fact, allows children to speak against their parents and talk back.

Christian love is denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to parents being convicted of the every need of their children, loving them as a neighbor. This means putting children first, and parents last, to the point of dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children or others, with children resting securely and safely in parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This is a form of respect that isn't fearfully compliant in nature, but one that is honest and transparent, telling parents anything and everything under the sun, including confessing acts of wrongdoing and marginalized traits, expecting absolutely no punishment or reprisal in parenting. Parents in Ancient Israel and the Early Church were simply there to use, like a milking-object that provided nourishment, sustenance, and comfort. Parents were seen as bondservants to be used as tools and vehicles for a child and her every need. Parents could be ordered to do pretty much anything the child wanted them to do, with children screaming in the face of parents, ordering them around like slaves. Parents found this energy in a child to be endearing and adorable. For sure, children could talk back then, and the more children did, the safer they felt in relation to parents.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or abuse, including child abuse in this context. It refers to the slightest of personal offenses perceived by the child, including the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child. Here, the Apostle Paul was lifting up the Law on punishing children, rebuking Greek Christian parents who held onto punitive parenting methods. Punitive parents were dealt with severely under the Law, and were seen as deserving of death in the Old Testament, and deserving of excommunication in the New Testament. The seven rod verses in Proverbs are repealed verses, meaning they are only relevant to the cultural and legal context in which they are given to. This is because they refer to a dated form of judicial corporal punishment conflated closely with the death penalty in Ancient Israel - the 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction, as a last warning before putting an ADULT child to death, after adequate due process in a criminal court of law. Minor children could not legally be whipped, as they could not stand trial for criminal acts or civil wrongs that they committed. The Early Church did not practice capital nor corporal punishment as a means of law enforcement, but instead relied largely on pro-social non-association. The only exception was the rare spanking of a wife when she submitted to it, but even then, most Christian men forgave their wives in those instances, just like Christ would.

Children demanded things from their parents in the Early Church and Ancient Israel, meaning screamed in their face half of the time to petition that they needed something, and children would self-advocate their needs in this regard. This is a form of secure attachment known as policing attachment, where the child is extremely blunt and direct with parents about what they need, and parents surrender, giving up and giving in to the demands of their child. Most parents then also tolerated blatant mischief from their children, such as running around the house, making messes, and so forth. The parents got a good laugh about it, and cleaned it up later. Hyper-assertive behavior was seen as endearing and adorable by parents then.

Most behaviors that children are punished for in the United States are developmentally appropriate in nature, and understandable given their child's age and development. Children talk back to parents, and do so because they do not yet have the self-control nor linguistic skills to "ask politely", so they just demand and not see how it appears to parents in our modern day society. Children in biblical times asked parents for a lot, and got a lot as well from their parents, meaning plenty of what they wanted, with their needs included in that. Most Christian parents in the Bible knew that talking back was a phase in a child's development, and if parents kept being disciplined themselves and careful in their speech, children would eventually pick up those traits. Thus, "back talk" was tolerated by Christian parents in the 1st Century.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!