Why children don't need rules

Many parents think that children need a list of rules to internalize, with consequences for each infraction of a rule. This is a common misunderstanding of children. The Bible, in fact, teaches that children don't need rules, and not to provoke children to anger through punishment.

The Apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, for this is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to a specific Christian standard of discipline in parents in relation to children, namely one that is entitled to nothing, and grateful for everything, especially in relation to children, creating a chastened up example for children to follow, backed up by instruction from parents as a righteous test - if children don't listen to instruction, it is assumed that they don't understand the instructions given due to age and development, with parents instead simply keeping the child safe, as denoted by the Greek root word νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) which refers to instruction tailored to a child's age and development. This is all backed up by the Greek root word παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or abuse, namely child abuse. This ultimately refers to the slightest of offense perceived by the child, including the slightest of offensive touch or speech, with this including any striking or punishment of a child at all. The Apostle Paul here was lifting up the Law on punishing children to Greek Christians who were in the habit of punishing their children. The punishment of children carried severe penalties, such as excommunication in the Early Church, and even the death penalty by way of bloodletting (hanging up parents like poultry) in the Old Testament. The seven rod verses that depict the rod of correction are repealed verses, meaning they are only relevant to the context that they were given to. This is because these passages do not refer to "biblical spanking" but to a specific and dated form of judicial corporal punishment associated with the death penalty in ancient Israel - the 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction, as a final warning before putting an errant ADULT child to death, usually for crimes against the state or crimes against children. Most of these whippings were not administered for crimes against parents. Minor children could not be charged with a crime, as they could not stand trial for criminal acts or civil wrongs that they committed, hence no minor child could ever legally be whipped. Corporal punishment did not exist as a form of church discipline in the Early Church.

How do you get a child to cooperate with parents? Children love is the answer, with such a love being esteeming your children first, and yourself last, to the point of dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every need, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting in the love and grace of parents. Rest in parents is denoted by the English word "obey" in the vs. 1, and by the corresponding Greek root word υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo). This refers to respect not in the form of fearful compliance, but to respect in the form of safety and security to vent anything and everything into parents. Attachment parenting was the norm in biblical times. Think a Christian mother holding pales of water, with a young child wrapped up in swaddling blankets next to her bosom, and another older child strapped to her back in a papoose bag. That is what parenting was like then. Closeness was the goal in biblical times, and children remained close to parents until adulthood. Children went completely naked in biblical times, everywhere they went, yet were supervised all the time as well. Children felt safe and secure enough to share their vulnerability with their parents.

Children were given much freedom in biblical times, with no rules imposed upon them. Much of the accepted play was high-risk in nature, with the most high-risk of games being "marriage". Marriage, in the Bible, was defined by a certain contract signed on the dotted line by sexual intercourse. Most children simply embraced at the end of the pretend-play marriage ceremony. However, when a boy showed intent to penetrate, the two were separated, the sternest consequence coming from a biblical parent. The boy easily showed intent because children were always naked. The boy was then instructed on chastity, and then kept safe in the case that he didn't understand the instructions from parents...This goes to show how much freedom children had in biblical times - thus how much God wants them to have today, meaning God does not want children to have a rigid set of rules to follow.

Children don't need rules. They need to be allowed to absorb what it in their environment, including what is in the example of their parents. Children, if left to their own devices, and with a good example, will simply internalize the example of parents. Children then will learn to emulate the example of parents, but not right away. Children will repeatedly attempt to emulate the example of parents, but will only be able to fully once they are adults themselves. Parents in biblical times taught mainly by example, and let children naturally develop. 

Most behavior that children are punished for in the United States is developmentally appropriate behavior understandable given their age and developmental level. Most behaviors that children engage in are phases, meaning a child that acts out at age 3 will not act out the same way at age 13. When you allow these phases to go by, they go by quickly. If development is slow or stagnant, that is a sign of a developmental disorder such as autism spectrum disorders (ASDs), ADHD, or other developmental disability or delay. Otherwise, children develop in a certain, predictable order, with no missing pieces or skipped steps.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!