My abuse from authoritative parenting

Many parents think authoritative parenting is a safe alternative to authoritarian parenting. This is a common mistake many parents make concerning their child's welfare. Authoritative parenting is different from attached, gentle parenting in that attachment parenting is based off of providing for children, whereas authoritative parenting is based off of disciplining them "lightly". I was spanked, and I DIDN'T turn out okay.

I myself was punished by my parents. The most memorable of punishments was being spanked on the buttocks, of a total of 5-8 swats, done "out of love" (yes, THAT excuse), in a way that closely resembled Dr. Robert Larzelere's "disciplinary spanking", in retrospect - preplanned, not out of impulse, and involving that "deep breath" that somehow makes it okay in the rationalizing minds of many parents. That sort of depraved and entitled violence was imposed upon me, in the midst of an otherwise warm and encouraging home, creating a sort of trauma bonding experience, meaning the toxic atmosphere growing up was trauma bonding in nature. Other ways I was punished was time-out and loss of privileges. The spanking felt violating, meaning I felt my bodily autonomy violated as a child, and I fought back the best I could, even breaking a door in the process.

I myself suffered from anxiety around children for a long time. I was afraid of parents punishing their children in front of me, so every time a child cried, I jumped, as my heart bled for that child. I now use the anti-trauma tactic of "innocent until proven guilty" guided by the words "parent" and "adult" in their defensive tense. Before then, I felt like my abuser was everywhere, in the form of low-level anxiety about parents punishing their children. I would freeze when a child cried, having to do something to protect that child, even though nothing could be done rationally to protect the child, and so I felt defeated. Now, I judge righteously for God, and I am judge and jury over parents, and I judge parents, and I judge them good.

Lawfully abusive parents make you feel like you aren't being listened to, meaning they do not listen to you, period. Childhood, as a whole, was like being lined up against by adults, meaning you couldn't get past adults. They all lined up against you.

I am an anti-adult adult, meaning I don't identify as "the adult" in relation to children, meaning you will never hear me saying to a child "I am the adult" to a child. I just am the adult, but in a responsible, convicted way, that doesn't admit itself easily, but shows itself to the court for judgment.

LET THE DEPRAVED AND ENTITLED PARENTS BURN! LET THEM SUFFER IN THE FIRE OF HELL! Repent!