What respect for parents entails (and why it doesn't entail fear)

Many parents believe in the false doctrine that their children are not to talk back to adults. Most parents in the United States do not like being contradicted by their children, with that offending them falsely. The fact of the matter is that respect for parents entails something different than slavish compliance.

Every single parent and adult is guilty in relation to children, and is deserving of DEATH and DESTRUCTION merely for existing in relation to children, with parents/adults being meek and shamefaced in relation to children. Parents especially are to put their children first, and themselves last, to the point of dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every need, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the love and grace of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.  

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Attachment parenting was the established norm in ancient Hebrew and Early Christian societies. Think a mother holding pales of water, with the mother wrapping up her young son in her bosom, and an older child, in the nude, in tow next to her mother, with the mother fetching the family water to drink and to cook food with. That was the reality of parenting in the Early Church. Children rested in parents in a specific trusting way that empowered them to demand needs and a redress of grievances from parents, feeling safe and secure enough in the presence of parents to issue orders and decrees as to what they need/want. A respectful child is not quiet and cooperative, but respects parents in another way - perhaps to tell what is really on your mind, knowing they will simply listen and validate. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages. This refers to the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including the slightest of offensive touch or contact perceived by the child. Here, the Apostle Paul was lifting up the Law on punishing and controlling children. Punishment or controlling treatment of children was seen as kidnapping, meaning a grand provocation to anger, and was severely punished, by death in the Old Testament, and by excommunication in the Early Church. The seven verses in Proverbs that mention the rod of correction are repealed verses, meaning the verses are not relevant today, and are only relevant to the context they were written to, and that is because these verses reference a dated form of judicial corporal punishment - the 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction, which was a last warning before the ADULT offender was put to death. Children could not be held legally culpable for any criminal act or civil wrong that they committed, with responsibility going to the next entity over - the parents. Parents didn't make their children write an apology letter, but apologized for their children in court, including in the exchange.

Children in ancient Israel and adjoining churches were demanding in nature, meaning they issued demands and orders towards parents, in the form of policing attachment. Children stated whatever was on their mind, making demands on parents, with parents giving in and giving up the fight with their children. Children trusted parents enough to tell them anything and everything under the sun, expecting no punishment or reprisal in return. Parents were confessors for their children, meaning children turned themselves into parents, just as adult believers turn themselves into Christ, confessing to parents everything, expecting nothing but forgiveness at the other end. That is what true respect for parents is - respecting them enough to tell them anything, and perhaps even tell them uncomfortable truths about how you feel about them. 

The Greek root word υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) refers to respect in the form of rest leading to trust, meaning honest respect. It is using parents as a safe place to unload big emotions, telling parents everything, confiding into them as a good friend. Respect can be out of fear and reverence, or you can respect someone enough to give them a piece of your mind, knowing they will respect it later. That latter form of respect is what the word υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) means. 

Fathers in particular related to children on an equal level, with children dragging them around like a ragdoll, with Christian men in particular showing passivity in relation to children, and this due to connotational sexual attachment starting when the children got older, with children going in the nude all the time in biblical times - clothing was seen as an adult thing to wear. Children got what they wanted from fathers usually, as fathers were passive. When children were hurtful or aggressive towards parents, parents simply cried. At the end of every Christian parent's rope then was a ball of tears. Fathers especially used direct vulnerability tactics to discipline their children, such as crying or pleading for them to stop being so rude and disrespectful. This is more productive than yelling at or screaming at your children. Children usually get the message if you are on the floor and in tears, or are at least vulnerably pleading with them to stop being so hurtful and disrespectful. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices, meaning the devil's tomb! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!