Pro-social instruction, pro-social righteous test: How to give instructions to children properly

Many parents believe that they can simply order children around, and that children must listen. Parents, under Christian law, cannot give lawful and binding orders to minor or dependent children, as all dependent children owe nothing to parents - all cooperation is a gift from God to be grateful for. Ask, and you shall receive from your child, if she is ready developmentally. Demand, and you get nothing but resentment of parents.

The Greek root word denoting entitlement in the New Testament, and commonly translated as "covetousness", is πλεονέκτης (Latin: pleonektés) and refers here to parental entitlement, as defined officially as wanting things from or of a child, to the point of imposition. Unofficially, this refers to all unattainable want, meaning adults should try to not want anything from a child. Instead, we ask politely, even with children. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, for this is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to righteous instruction, meaning instruction as a righteous test as to whether the child is able to listen or not. What happened in biblical times was that, when a child was instructed on an unattainable want or unwanted behavior, it was presumed that perhaps the child would not understand the instruction, in which case the parents just let it go, or perhaps kept the child safe with logical consequences such as removing the child from an unsafe situation or, the most stringent consequence then, forced separation of siblings (usually for sexually impure behavior). The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to a specific Christian standard of discipline for parents in relation to children known as the chastening of the Lord, meaning parents are entitled to nothing, and grateful for everything, especially in relation to children. Parents are to ideally want nothing from their child, and give thanks to whatever trust they have earned from their child. This is all weighed by the Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages, meaning the slightest of personal offenses perceived by the child, including the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, stemming from entitlement, including striking or punishing the child, or else anything that offends or threatens the child, regardless. The Apostle Paul here was lifting up the Law on punishing children to the Ephesian church, as the Greek Christians there took to the Greco-Roman custom of punitive parenting, which was prohibited under the Law, with punishing children carrying severe penalties. The rod verses in Proverbs and Hebrews both refer not to any sort of "biblical spanking" but a specific, dated form of judicial corporal punishment specific culturally and legally to the Old Testament - the 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction, as a final warning before putting an ADULT child to death. Minor children could not legally be whipped, as they could not stand trial due to youthful inexperience. The book of Hebrews mentions the rod figuratively, as symbolism for enduring hardship. Any anger towards a child is a courtroom exchange with them, and any interrogation of a child is perjury, as children were seen then as blameless.

How do you get children to want to follow a parent's example? Christian love does the trick, meaning putting children first, and parents last, to the point of dutiful and selfless submission to children, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children or others, with children resting safely and securely in the love and grace of parents, with this rest being denoted by the word "obey" and the corresponding Greek root word υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo). This word refers to a form of respect where you aren't afraid of parents, but to a feeling of safety and security in parents, enough to share anything and everything under the sun with them, not expecting any punishment or reprisal in return for their honesty and candor. In Christian homes in the 1st Century, children felt safe enough to remain in the nude in relation to parents, baring their vulnerability in relation to their parents, and even when older children played outside naked, they were supervised, and didn't leave their mother's side. Child nudity was acceptable under biblical law then because it brought down the level of attachment to full equality, meaning parents "grew up" with their children, as well as the fact that children of all ages could benefit from skin-to-skin closeness, which children up until adulthood could receive from mothers as sustenance anytime. 

Children will not always follow instructions, and that can be assumed to be because they do not understand the instructions given. Children have a very different brain structure than adults, especially young children. Thus, a child at a young age will not understand the instructions given to them, meaning they literally cannot process, cognitively, what you mean by "don't play ball in the house", so you just let it go, and keep them safe with logical consequences, or else allow the natural consequence to take place if there is a way out. Natural consequences can be used, for example, when the child refuses to wear a winter coat - keep it with you, on your person, for when they complain that it is cold, and then say "That's why I brought your coat along. I knew you'd be cold."

Children do not carry on behaviors if they aren't "shut down" by "adult authority". Most behaviors that children are punished for in America are developmentally appropriate behavior. Most behavior adults find annoying are phases. So a child likes to scream at the top of her lungs in the store? Let her, because she'll grow out of the screaming fits soon enough. Most children that do it have discovered with their ears that they have a voice, and enjoy hearing their voice - no narcissism there, just a sensory-seeking child. Older children don't scream and cry, but graduate to whining when they don't get their way, so let them whine, because that is what they are supposed to do at that age, given their age and development. When development is staggered or slow, that means they have a developmental disorder. If they regress, they likely have a psychiatric disorder such as a mood and/or psychotic disorder. 

Sometimes, a behavior becomes intolerable due to being unsafe. In biblical times, certain games, such as "marriage", often led to two children being forcibly separated - the strongest of consequences handed down by Christian parents then, and only when two siblings were being aggressive or sexually inappropriate in some way. In the case of the game of "marriage", the defining signature on the marriage papers was sexual relations, which was seen as a marriage contract, with children being completely naked wherever they went. Children usually embraced and nothing more. Parents supervised the game, and when a boy was seen as about to penetrate, the two were separated, with the boy instructed and the girl seen as a victim. Sometimes, the boy didn't understand what went wrong, and then he was kept safe to keep any girl safe, and was kept away from that game. This is how Christian parents today should relate to their children's behaviors. First, give clear instructions that set clear limits and boundaries. Sometimes, that's all you need to do, and that's when their brain is ready to handle that kind of information. But, many times, children don't get it - it goes in one ear, and the right out the other. That's when you resort to logical consequences such as removing them from a situation. However, at the same time, if you are constantly moving your children around, maybe you are setting too many limits, and need to turn the other cheek with your attitudes towards your child. A good parent lets go of a lot of things from their children, meaning things such as screaming, crying, and so forth. Certain behaviors instead require a graceful response - NEVER leave a crying child unattended, meaning ALWAYS reassure them and/or ask them what is wrong.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!