Pro-social friendship, pro-social listening: Why parents should be their child's best friend

Many parents take the attitude of "I am not my child's friend, I am their parent". This is a common attitude among American parents. Most American parents want control over their children, whereas the Bible prohibits any sort of control of a child. Parents are to be best friends with children, without exception.

Every single parent and adult is guilty in relation to children, and is deserving of DEATH and DESTRUCTION merely for existing in relation to children, with parents/adults being meek and shamefaced in relation to children, speaking to children only at their consent and cue. Parents especially are to esteem their children above all else, to the point of dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents, with parents being attendant caregivers of children, and with parents being a safe place for children to share their every emotion, upset, or frustration. Children should be able to tell parents anything and everything under the sun, and not fear punishment or reprisal. Mothers carry the pales of water, and the child next to her bosom in swaddling blankets, and the father stands guard over his family, befriending the children at his level.

The Greek root word translated "parents" is γονεύς (Latin: goneus) and refers to parents in the Hebraic sense, meaning friends and not enemies, meaning an older, more mature, best friend to confide in, with parents being caregivers and not lawgivers. Parents are to be attendant in how they care for their children, like waitstaff at a restaurant, not questioning their expressed needs. Needs and wants are intertwined like a rope, meaning a want always points to a need of some sort. There are five categories of needs in children; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - with the greatest need being attachment.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages, or the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including the slightest of offensive touch or speech, with this including striking or showing anger towards a child for any reason. Under Christian law, anger was not to be expressed except in a courtroom exchange, with minor children not being able to stand trial. The Apostle Paul here was bringing up the Law concerning the punishment of children. Punishing a child carried severe penalties in both ancient Israel and the Early Church, and was seen in the Old Testament as worthy of death, with this public perception carrying over in the Early Church, even though Christians were forbidden from participating in executions. The Early Christians were also forbidden from participating in a judicial whipping of even a hardened criminal offender. The rod verses in Proverbs are specific to the Old Testament, with the rod of correction being a symbol for the endurance of hardship through life experience, as how the rod is mentioned symbolically in Hebrews 12:5-11. God doesn't literally scourge His children, but it sure feels that way sometimes - that is God disciplining His children in a tough way that only He can. 

Mothers nurtured, and fathers befriended. That was the attachment parenting setup in biblical times. Mothers co-mingled and co-slept with their children, wrapping young children up to age 6 with swaddling blankets, sleeping next to their children, nourishing them with their breastmilk, giving them sustenance in skin-to-skin closeness. Fathers became acquainted with their children as they got older, with fathers being best friends with their children as equals. Most Christian fathers then had parent attraction to their older children, usually their older daughters, with girls being more closely guarded by mothers than boys. Most parent attraction and other pedophilia then was connotational in nature, and was understood as a normal flaw in men when around children, but something to restrain and save for alone time. When it was acted upon to the slightest, however, it was seen as deserving of death and Hell, just like any punishment towards a child. Most parents did not have physically aggressive tendencies, with fathers attaching sexual connotations to their daughters and sometimes sons, or perhaps children of both sexes. This was a consequence of the heavily egalitarian nature of parenting in Hebraic circles.

Parents should be a place for listening and guidance, but more so listening. When a child is upset, ask them why they are upset, and listen to how they feel, with you being a best friend for them to lean on. However, the friendship is one-sided in terms of confidence, meaning children confide in parents, but not vice-versa. Children are not safe people for your emotional garbage, as that emotional garbage is hazardous waste for a child to carry with them. Guidance should involve giving children instructions when what they want is unattainable or unsafe, and such is a righteous test to see if children can understand parental instructions given their age and developmental level. If a child continues with the erratic behavior, just keep them safe and assume they don't know better and can't know better. Listen to their upset when they cry for not getting what they want. Crying in that context is grieving. Crying can also mean, particularly in younger children, that they are tired, hungry, the lights are too bright, or perhaps the radio in the store is too loud. Many young children have traits of sensory processing disorder (SPD). Most challenging, childish behaviors are a phase, meaning children naturally grow out of them, eventually. It may take a longer span of years for children with developmental disabilities such as autism spectrum disorders (ASDs), but they will get it as well, eventually.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss, which is the Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!