Pro-social absorption: Why children don't need rules

Many parents believe children need rules. This is a common misconception about children. Most parents set consistent and regimented rules, in a way that imposes structure on children. The fact of the matter is that children do not need rules. Children absorb life lessons and knowledge about the world on their own accord.

The Apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, as this is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to a specific Christian standard of discipline in parents in relation to children, namely one that is entitled to nothing, but grateful for everything, especially from children. Children owe nothing to parents, and parents owe everything to children. All this forms a chastened up attitude for children to follow, with this backed up by instruction and guidance for children as a righteous test, meaning giving children instruction when a want is unattainable or unsafe, and if the child does not heed instruction, it is assumed that they cannot possibly understand the concept enough to heed by it, in which case the parent simply keeps the child safe. This righteous test is denoted by the Greek root word translated "admonition" which is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia). This is all weighed by the Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" which is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages, or the slightest of offense perceived by the child, including the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child. This includes, but is not limited to, striking children, with the punishment of children carrying severe penalties in biblical times, meaning it was seen widely as deserving of death, even if Christ spared the parents of death in the New Testament. The rod verses in Proverbs do not refer to spanking children, but the 40 minus 1 lashes administered to an errant ADULT son to warn him that any recidivism would lead to death on the spot. Corporal punishment was not a part of the church discipline of the Early Church except between spouses for agreed-upon mutual accountability. Punishment was absent in the Early Church except in the eye of the entitled beholder, and punishing children was seen as pure witchcraft, particularly in Hebraic circles.

What motivates learning by example? Rest in the Christian love of parents. Parents are to love their children, as an implied command, with children as their neighbor. Christian love is denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to putting children first, and parents last, esteeming children above all else, leading to dutiful and selfless submission to children and their every need, expecting absolutely nothing in return. Rest in this Christian love is denoted by the Greek root word for "obey", which is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo). This rest involves a secure parent-child bond. Think a mother carrying pales of water, with a young child wrapped up next to her bosom in swaddling blankets, with the child feeding off of his mother's breasts, and another child, in the nude, in tow next to her mother. Parents should be a safe place for children to unload all of their emotions, upsets, and frustrations onto, with children hearing out and empathizing with even the worst of tantrums.

Children do not need rules, and in fact, rules can hamper the moral and religious growth and development of a child. Mothers in the Early Church stayed next to their children, in co-mingling format, for the first 6 years of life, and after that, children took up their religious vocation on their own, and learned Scripture that way. This is because religious development and curiosity starts at age 6. Fathers then merely compared notes with their children, perhaps in the form of a friendly debate, concerning religion, with Christian homeschools then being laid back in that way. Religion answers moral questions for the majority of human beings worldwide, and so we use religious instruction in the Early Church to understand the moral development of a child.

Children easily absorb facts of life about the world, and conform naturally to society in most cases. A child with autism may want to see things differently, but that's how most children start out, and then they end up believing close to their parents. Imposing rules on a child sends their moral education off kilter, and then they become dependent on prompts to act in a certain way. We call this prompt dependence in behaviorism. Children should know to prompt themselves, and know for themselves what is okay and what isn't. They don't get it right away, but they get it eventually. 

Most childish and challenging behaviors from children are simply phases to let go, not behaviors to extinguish. If you make a fuss about a developmentally appropriate behavior that bothers you and not the child (or anyone else for that matter), you provoke them to anger by provoking their will, and then it becomes a battle of wills. The behavior will dissipate on its own, and the more you tolerate it and maybe respond to it appropriately, the faster it will go away. Most behaviors children are punished for are developmentally appropriate, and when they are not developmentally appropriate, it can be explained by a developmental disability or other mental health issue.

Children need a disciplined example, with this being known as self-behaviorism. Behaviorism isn't for children, but for YOU, the parent. This means that when you feel like getting angry or sexually inappropriate with your child, do the opposite of what that is in your mind, and keep doing it until it becomes a habit. With anger, this means stifling it and responding calmly even if you don't want to. With parent attraction, self-control entails re-channeling the attraction to another room, away from the child, with the shades down and the door closed. The idea is to center your self-interest in relation to children, by avoiding wants until your wants are centered, and you don't want them actively. You might feel angry or attracted, but that feeling won't be expressed unless someone asks you how you feel. The idea is to get to the point as a parent where you can stew over anger or parent attraction, and not have that stewing emotion affect your choices. Speech control can also be healthy, as the parental lobe in the brain is connected to the vocal chords, so stifle any unnecessary speech or comments about others or life, and just live your life as an observer, only speaking when necessary and helpful. Then, children will want to be disciplined and self-controlled like you, and you can warmly encourage that in them.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!