Why behavior is communication (not an attempt to undermine)

Many parents think their child is undermining them. It is a persecutory complex where they are deluded into believing that their child is some monster out to devour them. The fact of the matter is that behavior is communication, not an attempt to undermine parents.

Every single parent and adult is guilty in relation to children, and is deserving of DEATH and DESTRUCTION merely for existing in relation to children, with parents/adults being meek and shamefaced in relation to adults. Parents especially are to put children first, and themselves last, to the point of submission to the every vulnerable need of children, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children being in place of God, resting in the love and grace of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This rest lead to openness in communication, and was a rest where children could behave any way they felt they needed to around their parents, and their parents listened to the behaviors. Ancient Hebrew and Christian parents knew something we have forgotten today - children's behavior is intended by them as communication, not any attempts to undermine parents. Attachment parenting was the norm then, with mothers wrapping up their children next to their bosom, with them being in skin-to-skin closeness to mothers. Children went nude in the biblical context, and this made skin-to-skin closeness easier for mothers with younger children especially. A child's nudity was seen as vulnerability, with that vulnerability guarded by mothers.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to provocations to anger imposed upon children, as defined as the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child. This was intended by the Apostle Paul and the surrounding legal context as a prohibition on all punitive parenting, including punishment and control such as spanking and corporal punishment. Paul here was rebuking Greek Christians who misused the book of Proverbs as a justification for their pagan purification ritual of spanking children. The seven verses in Proverbs that depict the rod of correction are repealed verses, meaning they apply only to the context they were written to, and as wisdom literature and not a given commandment. These verses refer ultimately to a dated form of judicial corporal punishment culturally and legally unique to the Old Testament - the 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction. This legal punishment was only for ADULT children of Hebrew parents, as children could not be put on trial for crimes committed while under the age of majority. The 40 minus 1 lashes was heavily conflated with the death penalty in ancient Israel, and was a summary penalty for a capital offense - any recidivism after the whipping led to an immediate execution of the offender. The book of Hebrews also mentions the rod of correction, but as a figurative reassurance concerning enduring hardship, with the scourgings mentioned being figurative to life's challenges. Enduring a biblical whipping and living to tell about it was a harrowing, once-in-a-lifetime event, and thus in ancient Hebrew culture, whippings were a figure of speech for life's hardships. But, this was only when referring to adult problems. Children were seen as exempt from blame, with parents instead apologizing for their child's mischief.

Children see the world much like we see the world, with the same nuance that we see the world, and children are competent enough to know what they need and advocate it. However, children have fewer words in their vocabulary, and big impulses to lead them astray. Thus, children are likely to act out to get what they need. 

There are five categories of needs - food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment...with attachment being the most prevailing of needs. Anything children ask for that comes from YOU is an attachment need. The most common motive for behaviors in young children especially is attention, so give them attention in a healthy way. Don't praise the misbehavior, but maybe take them for a walk and chat with them, or snuggle with them if they are the touchy-feely type of child. Most children are touchy-feely when raised like that from day one.

Most childish behavior, meaning things most adults find as misbehavior, should be overlooked and/or seen as an expression of a need. Most behaviors are phases, and serve a purpose in communicating needs the best way the child can, given their flawed nature that is their developmental immaturity. When a child, for example, draws on the wall, and then shows you their masterpiece, pretend to be enthusiastic about it - then clean it up later when they aren't watching. A logical consequence to make them clean it up might be a bit harsh, as a young child does not understand the concept of responsibility for their actions enough to be held to that level. The Greek root word for submission to parents is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to a special type of restful submission that lifts all responsibility from the child, and places on parents as extensions of Christ. All responsibility falls on parents until the child comes of age, which is 18 in most states in the United States, and 21 in the State of Mississippi.

It is good for parents to not only have diminished expectations, but no expectations at all, meaning only preferences. Just watch your child as he/she is, and watch them develop on their own, making it through the stages of development on their own, not interfering with reprimands or punishments, but maybe snuggling next to them when they want to connect with you. See them in the moment, and don't rush ahead to when they grow up. Bond with them and form an attachment with them in the moment, not for later, being their best friend to talk to and have a relationship with. It will be rocky sometimes, but disagreements and disputes should all work out in the end, always.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfurs, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into everlasting Hell and torment, suffering God's Wrath for all eternity! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!