Pro-social listening: Why to listen to behaviors instead of punishing them

Many parents think children should listen to parents, then give them a list of orders to complete, not listening to children. Parents are there for a reason - to care for a child and protect a child. Parents are caregivers, not lawgivers. 

Every single parent and adult is guilty in relation to children, and is deserving of DEATH and DESTRUCTION merely for existing in relation to children, with parents/adults being obligated to be meek and shamefaced in relation to children, prioritizing their needs above their own needs, with children coming first, and parents last, leading to complete dutiful and selfless submission to the every need of a child, expecting absolutely nothing in return from children, with children resting peaceably and safely in the love and grace of parents, with parents sacrificing for their children in the spirit of Christ sacrificing for His children. Parents are to show this unconditional Christian love, as denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and children are to be allowed to rest in the love and grace of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the unconditional Christian love of parents. This rest leads to openness and trust in relation to parents, where you can tell parents anything, and expecting no punishment or reprisal from parents. Parents are to reflectively listen to the needs of children, then either respond directly or allow children to come to their own conclusion. Attachment parenting was the norm in biblical times, and thus parents were a special place for children to recharge and rest in peaceable respite, with parents being shelter during the pouring, thundering rainstorm that is life as a child.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to provocations to anger, as defined as the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child. This was intended by the Apostle Paul and the legal context he was writing from as a ban on all punitive parenting, including punishment and control such as spanking and corporal punishment. Paul here was rebuking Greek Christians who used Scripture to justify their pagan ritual of spanking children. Paul would have none of it in the churches he oversaw as a deacon. The seven verses in Proverbs that mention the rod of correction are repealed verses, as they refer to a specific, dated legal punishment - the 40 minus 1 lashes with the rod of correction. This is a dated punishment, and was nowhere used in the Early Church, with pro-social non-association meaning the main form of law enforcement under Christian law (1 Cor. 5:11).

Listening is crucial, both as an action and attitude towards children. This is because of why children act out - to communicate. Children have just as complex of a worldview as any adult, meaning children have complex hopes and desires just like any other human being. They just can't communicate it due to not having enough words, and being impulsive on the surface. There is the rational layer of a child, that knows without a doubt what they need, and the irrational layer on the surface that masks that knowledge, meaning it cannot come out. The idea is to listen to behaviors in order to determine what they need, based on what they want. 

Usually, what a child wants is either exactly what they need, or points directly to what they really need. The core of a child's needs is attachment, and so anything coming from YOU, the parent, is a need, but maybe you can't afford what they need, so you just spend some quality time with them in a way that is of equal value to them, such as going for a scenic drive or going for a walk to reassure them. The idea is to listen to a child's needs, then respond. Ideally, children should get most of what they want from parents and trusted adults, and some of what they need instead, when wants are unattainable or unsafe. When children get what they want from parents, they feel safe with parents. Usually, there is a way to make it work, but many times parents are too lazy because it is inconvenient. A fully accepting parent goes limp as their child leads them to what they need/want.

Attachment parenting was the norm in ancient Israel and adjoining churches. Children were wrapped up next to their mothers in swaddling blankets, with children being in the nude and soaking up skin-to-skin closeness with mother. The feelings of children were listened to, and when a child was upset or frustrated. The assumption was that children acted out and cried when they needed something, but acted out because they didn't have the words to communicate their needs and petitions for a redress of grievances, and so they just cried, screamed, and/or were physically aggressive with parents. 

Punishing children for misbehavior is wrong, and was seen as wrong and a form of abuse in biblical times. Punishment shuts down communication between parent and child, with behavior being communication and not means to "undermine" parents or "get on the nerves" of parents.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the lake of everlasting Hell and torment, with them being tormented by God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!