Pro-social crying: How to deal with an oppositional and defiant child

Many parents believe in being harsh and stern with a oppositional and defiant child. Oppositional-defiance comes in many different forms. Some children are simply strong-willed, whereas others have diagnosable mental health disorders such as autism, ADHD, bipolar disorder, and even psychopathy. Crying helps in dealing with especially the worst of defiant behavior.

Pro-social crying is allowing yourself to produce tears to your child, not away from your child to a professional, but to your child, right in front of them. Defiant and behaviorally challenged children have existed throughout history, but in biblical times, they were a source of tears, not anger, in biblical parents.

Tears mean total surrender - as your child throws objects, swears at you, and so forth. The Greek root word translated "love" is αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to prioritizing your child's needs above yours to the point of surrender, and the ultimate surrender to an oppositional and defiant child is breaking down in tears, much like the Early Christians did with their children when they were mean and hurtful to parents. Children rest in the love and grace of parents, for better or worse for the parents, but for the every need of one's child. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. This means allowance to express upset to the fullest extend necessary and possible to parents. If you need to scream at the top of your lungs to demonstrate your emotions to parents, parents should be a safe place to deposit that negative energy. Children in biblical times were demanding. Think a mother holding pales of water, and a child screaming and crying while she nestles the other in her bosom, with the child then venturing in the accusatory in terms of language choice, and them the profanity, and at the end of every Christian parent's rope then was a ball of tears, not a whip, a cane, or even an open hand. It was a parent's surrender, acknowledging their helplessness and cornered state in relation to their raging child. Children had the right of judgment towards parents, though parents couldn't judge in return, but had to accept the judgment of children and try to be better for next time.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to the slightest of offense perceived by the child, including the slightest of unwanted touch or contact with a child. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul and the surrounding legal context to abolish all forms of punishment and control in the Christian churches of God in the 1st Century, as punishing or controlling a child was seen as kidnapping under the Law. Spanking does not come from the Bible, as all the verses in Proverbs depicting it are repealed verses, as whipping referred to a dated legal punishment that only existed in the Old Testament. Hebrews 12:6 mentions "scourging" but in a figurative sense that describes enduring hardship. Spanking children is a pagan tradition used to purify children who behaved in an "unchaste" and "impure" manner. The Judeo-Christian tradition then was to keep siblings who experimented sexually with each other separate in a supervised way, and otherwise leaving children develop naturally, as they will according to stages of development.

A child raging against you and your leadership should make any parent cry their eyes out. Children never take advantage of their parents' tears, but are stopped in their tracks usually by seeing their parents gulping and crying after their outburst. This is how it was in the Bible - children had a few stern words with their parents, and then the parents cry their eyes out. "How could my child be so disrespectful" is a question to cry over, not battle your child over. Give up the fight, and give into tears. Otherwise, you risk judgment from your child by battling them in the exchange. 

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss of everlasting fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!