Caught by the mental health system: What pedophilia in the raw feels like

Many people think that pedophilia is an unending drive to prey on children. Most people who think of non-offending pedophiles think of "impressionable" adults with autism who are attracted to children on their developmental level, which is accurate, but then we wear whiskers when depicted to the public, meaning like a lion or a tiger. The feeling is not that big of a deal.

In most cases, pedophilia exists in the raw, but is marred by depression and/or anxiety. I never feared people knowing, perhaps to my peril. I did fear for children, though, as if every single child is my own, and thus I need to protect them from their parents. It took every inch of me, before taking anti-anxiety medications, not to make a bogus child abuse report. I knew, or thought I knew, that it would go nowhere, so I restrained myself from calling PA ChildLine. Believe me, if I allowed myself to make all the welfare calls I wanted to, I'd be on the phone every single day, pretty much, about a child I saw in the store or the restaurant, and I can't do anything about the sort of lawful case I grew up in, so just leave it to God to set right in another place, at another time, when the Lord is ready to judge them.

I myself do use pro-social self-loathing, but that is because I didn't feel it naturally. I actually was a sex offender, under the Law, meaning divine but not quite secular. I just embraced the feeling, and embraced the crushes, in the form of a tone-deaf disclosure. The main abuse I committed was antisocial "flirt". Think an older teenager or young adult catcalling a young girl. It is the most invisible, everyday form of child sexual abuse that I think happens a lot, particularly in home settings with a parent that has poor boundaries with their child.

My case of pedophilia is situational in terms of offending nature. Otherwise, it is merely an afterthought, meaning a daydream, or else a connotation attached to a child. It is a parental attachment that is sexualized in nature, in terms of connotation, meaning I see every child as like my child, but girls of a certain age also bring out sexual connotations, like spray tan oil.

I have been caught by the mental health system, meaning I actually confided into a therapist and other mental health professionals, and it was like the topic just came up out of nowhere. I have since learned that my pedophilic disorder is caused by my immaturity, meaning I am immature at the level of a 12-year-old, so why not be attracted to 12-year-old girls? I myself mask my immaturity with Christian non-entitlement, and save it for my mother, or else indoors. My immaturity, otherwise, would lead to me wanting to take a young girl out on a date, and maybe ask her out. I needed to grow up, and have no entitlement in relation to children, which translates, in terms of non-entitlement, to perhaps zero entitlement. Sex is a self-interest in relation to children, but not an entitlement.

I am actually grateful for the assertiveness of children. I am a preverbal pedophile, and so the survivors that are afraid of me tend to be the male type, such as those who are first responders or workbench types. There is a reason most police hate pedophiles - that was their trauma, which blew them up with anger. I actually don't lust after adult survivors, because they are grown up and not children anymore, so they'd lived past their half life, and now simply are people - people with a burden that weighs on me, and convicts me. Sometimes, I see survivor women as like a child, but only if they are willing to pose in that way for me, meaning autopedophilia. Most children, throughout modern and medieval history, were too passive towards adults, and thus were easy prey for a preverbal abuser. Today, a child is more inclined to simply fight off a preverbal abuser, which is progress.

Pedophilia is sexualized parental attachment towards children under age 14, regardless of parent status, meaning a pedophile generally wants simply a friendship with a child, but with those connotations, for the pedophile only and never the child. However, in such friendships, the child automatically senses the sexual connotations attached to them, and is assertive in response to their senses about the individual, making for a perfect parent/caregiver relationship with a child. The Bible reads in Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to offenses perceived by the child, meaning anything offensive as perceived by the child. Whenever a child has a stomach upset from an adult's behavior towards them, that is abuse, and when that abuse is sexual in motivation, sexual abuse. In cases of child sexual abuse, this verse implicitly references the Greek root word πορνεία (Latin: porneia) and refers to any sexual contact with another person outside of marriage, physical, verbal, or symbolic, which defiles the abuser as unclean until the even - meaning until they turn themselves in.

Let the adult fornicators of children BURN! Let the depraved and defiled sexually entitled adults/fornicators be cast into eternal fire and torrent! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!