Saying "please" and "thank you" to children: How to teach good Christian manners

Most all parents want their children to be polite and have manners. Most parents teach manners with harsh instruction and punishment, especially if parents have rather old school and conservative values like me. However, you cannot beat an education into someone, meaning the child has to want to learn even life skills such as manners and politeness. 

Good Christian manners and politeness are a cornerstone of my religious expression in public, meaning I am not a loud preacher to the masses (and "loud" anything is distasteful to me, except in children), as some people here think of me. I am a very silent, quiet person in real life, meaning I act as if I am ashamed of my voice, even if I am not, because the whole world does not need to hear my voice. Chances are, any child I might have would follow my suit because the relationship would be one of friendship and not punishment.

The Greek root word that denotes good manners in the negative is πλεονέκτης (Latin: pleonektés) and refers to, in its strict moral legal definition, to wanting things from or of a child to the point of seeking to impose said want onto a child. The spirit of the law here is that any want imposed on a child is sin, meaning it is not good to impose wants on children. Use your manners when asking things of your child, namely "please" and "thank you", perhaps saying "excuse me" or "pardon me" if they are in the middle of something, to prove non-entitlement. Hospitality is the product of a non-entitled heart.

The teaching of mutual submission is the main teaching of parenting in the Bible. The contents of custody for Christian parents is not "advice and counsel", but example and warning. It says in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, as this is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to a good Christian example that emulates the Living Example of Christ, but since Christ was the only perfect parent, parents must work on their own self-discipline and self-control in the way that Christ didn't have to. This includes want avoidance. Parents then had no expectations for their children, particularly in terms of behavior, but instead modeled to their children proper conduct and manners, expecting absolutely nothing in return, but nonetheless earning gratitude and thanksgiving from their children by modeling such an attitude in a way that was not backed up by punishment. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the occasional verbal warning, usually when behavior is unsafe or else completely out of line. Most childish behavior you simply ignore, knowing they will grow out of it, but when they are being unsafe or unreasonable, state a gentle and firm "no" and if they don't respond, they aren't ready to respond. All use of the word "no" or other verbal warnings should ALWAYS come with an apology of some sort, with "apology" being defined as reassurance of good intent towards the child, to the child. This is all weighed against the Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and literally translates to "bitter anger" and refers to provocations to anger under the Law towards children, meaning offenses against children, defined as the slightest of offense perceived by the child. The Apostle Paul here was chastising Greek Christian parents who punished their children, in line with Greco-Roman idolatrous tradition. Rome reversed the roles between child and adult, so we reverse them back once more. Corporal punishment was only existent in the Old Testament, and as a sentence for crime for ADULT children associated with the death penalty under Jewish law, with any defiance having to be to the level of elder abuse before it was picked up by the Law. In the New Testament, Christ suffered both corporal and capital punishment in order to abolish the death penalty, with these punishments being absent in the Early Church, and Christians in the 1st Century being prohibited from any execution or even enlisting in the Roman army. The Early Christians were completely anti-violence, even within the home.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, warm rest and trust in parents, just as adult believers rest and trust in Lord Jesus Christ our Savior and Messiah. Respect for parents is intense closeness to them to the level of sustenance, leading to fondness and admiration of parents, then honor and homage. It is an honest and open form of respect where you respect your parents enough to tell them anything, and be yourself around them. Children in ancient Israel and adjoining churches were brought up in an attached manner, with mothers and children co-sleeping in the nude, in skin-to-skin closeness, with children up to age 3 treated as infants behaviorally, and breastfed as such. Mothers and daughters were inseparable until adulthood, in most cases. Children demanded things from parents, then parents provided, then children rested, copying all the kind and charitable traits of parents, which were shown directly to children beforehand.

What should a parent say when warning a child, which includes warning them of something parents want of them? To avoid the appearance of entitlement, say "Please" as in "Would you please clean your room?" and then there are ways to add a grievance "there is a ton of clothing on the floor". When they do it, say "thank you" and be grateful, not asking much of them at all. If they refuse to clean their room and have better things to do, you clean it up, since they are your child, and your child is your responsibility. Alternatives to please do exist, but they start with "may you". Speak as if your child doesn't have to listen to you, meaning like telling a friend what you need them to do for you as a favor. If they don't do it, either convince them, or if that doesn't work, do it for them and give up the fight. Some parents might want to call their child by a title, meaning "ma'am" or "sir", meaning "yes sir/ma'am" when children give lawful and binding orders as to their needs, then heeding their every need immediately. Titles can be used semi-playfully, as long as you take them seriously otherwise, with the reverent fear they deserve for being so small and vulnerable. This will teach your children good Christian manners.

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!