Pro-social filter, pro-social faucet: Understanding the role of parents in relation to childhood wants

Many parents tell children what to do, and give orders to their children, oftentimes claiming to be "God" in some implied way to the child. The fact of the matter, however, is that she is your child, and she gets her way always, in some way, in some form. See also pro-social compromise.

Children have five main needs from parents - food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment. What is the greatest need of any child? Attachment, which is the base need for any child. How does a child trust that parents are nourishing them with the right food, or taking them to the right place? Attachment parenting is a biblical institution, with God using secular institutions to revive the Christian tradition of attachment parenting. It says in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, as this is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to closeness leading to respect for parents, but in a policing and enforcing way towards parents. Children demanded their wants/needs, and petitioned for a redress of grievances, and parents supplied the provisions, carrying the burden of the provisions cart, being selfless like a vending machine towards your child. This meant attachment parenting in ancient Israel and adjoining churches, meaning children co-sleeping in the nude with mothers come nighttime until adulthood, with children rarely leaving the side of mothers, playing in close range of her. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the parental duty to set limits in the home, by way of the doctrine of pro-social filter. Think like a filter on a faucet. Most of what passes passes, but some dirt that is unnecessary and unhelpful is held back. A child gets most of what they want, but a few things they don't need that are harmful or unattainable are filtered out, with parents reassuring and validating the every need of children. 

The command to set limits was weighed against the command not to provoke a child to wrath. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and literally translates to "bitter anger" and refers to offenses against children, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child. This included then corporal punishment, and other forms of punishment, as Paul was charging the Ephesian church community not just to stop spanking their children, but what to do instead. The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to a Christ-like form of disciplined example for children, both in terms of being a child's first role model, and also the question and answer aspect of parenting, teaching children about Christ by answering questions, allowing yourself to be tested just as Christ was tested by His children, and then He patiently answered the questions. This is called Socratic reasoning, and it can also come in the form of answering a question with a question. Christ, as was prophesied, taught by example, and so should parents. This, however, involves setting limits. But, at the same time, we as Christian adults should avoid benign deprivation. Attachment parenting was recommended then as the traditional Judeo-Christian parenting, and involved, in this form of attachment parenting, the Living Example of Christ, meaning being charitable and generous to children, and showing them how to be disciplined, in a way that imparts these values onto them.

A water faucet allows the necessary water to flow, but shields the water drinker from dirt and debris. That's how parents should set boundaries with children. Children's outlandish wants usually signal a need. So they want an airplane of their own? Maybe they just need to be listened to, or taken for a walk. They never cry for nothing. There is always a reason behind the cry of a child. Older children and teens ask you to do things, and so, take into account how it involves you. They generally want to spend time with you. Give them most of what they want, but all of what they need at the same time, meaning what they want is at least related to what they need usually.

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!