Policing attachment: Understanding the Fifth Commandment in secure attachment terms

Many parents cite the Fifth Commandment as an excuse for punitive parenting attitudes. Most believe that the command orders children to honor parents. The idea is that parents have the right to demand respect. However, Rome reversed it, meaning the roles are in the reverse than formerly held by way of Christian teaching. The Fifth Commandment ultimately means surrender to children.

The Fifth Commandment, in the New Testament in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they become discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest and trust in the love and grace of parents, coming from sacrifice for one's child, in the spirit that Christ sacrificed for His children; taking up the cross, in the spirit that Christ took up the cross for His children; martyring oneself for children, as Christ martyred Himself for His children; leading to rest and security in the sacrifice of parents, giving back to parents later on with respect and cooperation for their sacrifice. This Greek root word in this paragraph ultimately uplifts the Judeo-Christian parenting traditions of the Bible, which are attachment-based in nature. Children went nude all through the biblical context, and it was legal and accepted, and that was for mothers to treat children with skin-to-skin contact, breastfeeding them up until age 3, and co-sleeping with children right up until adulthood, with closeness in childhood leading to young adults listening to and honoring their parents. Children were securely attached to parents then in a policing manner, meaning children gave orders and demands for their parents to selflessly resign to and surrender to. "Back talk" wasn't a problem then for Christian parents, as parents just had to take the brunt of children's demands, assuming every single cry and demand of a child is to communicate a need, not merely a way to "manipulate" or "be a pain" towards parents. Parents surrendered to the pressure put on them by children, not arguing, being selfless as a parent.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and literally translates to "stirring up" upset and resentment in children, referencing the Jewish adage of "stirring the pot" referring to the emotional well-being of children. This was a direct command from God through the Apostle Paul to prohibit corporal punishment and other forms of punishment and maltreatment of children. Parents of Greco-Roman origin were punishing their children, as per Greco-Roman custom. Paul would have none of it in the churches that he oversaw as a deacon. Corporal punishment only existed in the Bible in judicial form, as a sentence for a crime, and minor children were seen by the Law as incompetent to stand trial for their actions, thus exempt from prosecution. Wives were given a break, but the man of the house could give orders to her, usually when he'd know she'd listen and cooperate, and otherwise leaving his wife go, with actual physical domestic discipline being rare and consensual between spouses. Children had even less legal responsibility, meaning none, and children were not given domestic discipline, but are taught. Discipline meant then holding one accountable to the Law, and children were not under the Law, but lived under the grace of their parents in the Lord. That definition and setup of discipline has not changed regarding children.

Policing attachment is ordering parents around from a resting place in their presence and shelter, feeling safe enough in that rest to tell parents how to raise them, with parents giving up the fight for their own comfort, being heavily involved with their children, surrendering to the brunt of children's demands, taking up the cross for children in the spirit that Christ took up the cross for His children. The Fifth Commandment of "honor thy father and thy mother" (Exod. 20:12) refers to the results of surrendering to your child first. The doctrine in the Bible is one of mutual surrender, meaning first the parent surrenders to the child's needs, then the child surrenders later, giving thanks and showing gratitude. In order to get respect as a parent, you first must give it. Parents in ancient Israel most certainly revered their child, yielding to their child's needs/wants, being struck with reverent fear and terror for their child and their needs, convicting parents to sacrifice for their child selflessly, seeing themselves on par with children, with children wanting to please parents in the long run in a parent-child friendship. When adults accept children completely, as was the case with parents in biblical times, they can revere a child for their vulnerability, not despite it, seeing the child as the "police" over their own needs, feeling no fear in standing up for them, with parents having every fear in imparting them.

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death, which is Satan's final resting place! Let them descend into everlasting Hell-fire, with the evildoing parents being tormented and punished forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!