Policing attachment: The type of secure attachment found in the Bible

Many parents think that children should be policed, meaning that a parent is the equivalent of a police officer in the home. These parents often cite the Bible for proof that their parenting style is acceptable. The reality is that it wasn't.

The parenting commandment of mutual respect is denoted in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things, as is well-pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they become discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest and trust in the love and grace of parents, coming from sacrifice for one's child, in the spirit of how Christ sacrificed for His children; martyring oneself in all things, and expecting absolutely nothing in return...and then children rest in the love and grace of parents, demanding their rights and needs. The setup then was "child orders, parent heeds", meaning the child demanded what they wanted/needed, and the parent either provided or diagnosed a different need based on the nature of the child's want. A child that is crying out of nowhere might just want to go for a walk through the neighborhood, and have some loving attention from their parents. The Greek root word υπακουο ultimately uplifts a Hebraic parenting context that is attachment-based in nature. Children went in the nude all the time then, and it was legal, and the reason for that was that mothers were intimate with their children to the level of nudity, meaning skin-to-skin contact, swaddling infants up to age 3 to their bosom or back, breastfeeding children aged up to age 3 or even older in some instances just as an infant would be treated in today's society, with breastfeeding being allowed everywhere in public, and men giving women space and privacy in that regard.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to "stirring up" upset and resentment in children, referencing the Jewish adage of "stirring the pot" regarding your child's emotional well-being, referring to the slightest of personal offenses perceived by a child, which is child abuse when conflated with entitlement, with entitlement perceived by the child in reverse coloration format. Unless you listen to and validate your child's tears and upset, it is abuse, since the validating gesture counts as a formal apology disproving entitled intent under the law, thus any abuse that might otherwise be perceived by the child. The Apostle Paul gave the command against provocation to anger as a clear anti-spanking and anti-punishment command in parenting, with children being portrayed in accompanying attachment parenting manuals as like mirrors of your own flaws and demons as parents, and also acknowledging the policing authority of children as extensions of God, meaning children were expected and allowed to demand needs and protest for a redress of grievances in parents, and parents must provide accordingly or similarly, with parents being bondservants to their children. The Greco-Roman culture was very much in favor of spanking and corporal punishment, and that spilled into church communities. But, Paul would have none of it within the boundaries of the churches he oversaw. Paul was the deacon, meaning the shadowy guy that, when he visited your church community, you were in trouble. Paul was, however, opposed to punishing children at all, as was the Jewish tradition then, carried over into Christianity, to dote on children more than other cultures, by way of secure attachment. 

Children in ancient Jewish culture were the police over their parents regarding what they needed, and what they wanted as well, with wants with children often signaling a need. Mothers especially, but also fathers, engaged in fawning behavior, meaning fell limp out of fearful conviction of their child's needs, being devoted parents beholden to their child's needs. The child decided what they needed, and any tears or aggression were seen as a means to communicate by Hebrew parents. Policing attachment is where the child, as they grow older, is very blunt and direct about voicing needs, ordering a parent around like a slave, with the parent surrendering to such orders like a servant, being a caregiver instead of a lawgiver. Parents are easily "pushed over", but do set limits when absolutely necessary, usually for safety reasons. A child was seen as a guide as to what they need. In ancient Greek culture, the parents walked before the children, whereas in ancient Hebrew culture, the parents walked behind the children, who were usually running to show parents something, or drag parents like a limp ragdoll to what they needed, at least in the figurative sense. Younger children cried and hit for what they needed, whereas older children with language skills ordered parents around, and the reaction for a parent then wasn't anger, but reverent fear, meaning revering the vulnerability of the child to the point of self-belittlement, often fawning for children, showing selflessness in a way that turned the other cheek concerning childhood demands on parents.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger and silence their child's voice will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn and suffer in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!