Many parents want their children to listen, yet don't know the proper way to do so. They think they do, gloating in their entitlement in how "I am harder on my children than you are". However, many parents misunderstand what the Bible means by being strict on your child. Strictness is like a mirror, meaning the parent looking into a mirror. That is how adherence to strictness should appear to Christian parents.
The Fifth Commandment says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:
Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they become discouraged.
The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and literally translates to "rest under" in relation to parents, and refers to secure, vulnerable rest and trust in the love and grace of parents, with children being able to share with and tell parents anything and everything under the sun, with children being themselves in relation to parents, owing absolutely nothing in relation to children, with children nonetheless showing gratitude and thanksgiving to parents by giving back, like a mirror, mirroring their charity and generosity back. This Greek word uplifts a parenting context that is attachment-based in nature. Child nudity was legal and normative everywhere throughout the biblical context, and this was because mothers gained trust of their children by co-sleeping next to them in the nude, using skin-to-skin contact to become closer to children and thus having more respectful children, breastfeeding them until age 3, with infants swaddled to the bosom of mothers in inseparable closeness until that age, and then children remaining close to parents until they were much older, playing freely, but never leaving their parents' line of sight. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to "stirring up" anger, resentment, and/or upset in a child, as in the Jewish adage "stirring the pot" in terms of your child's emotions. Paul here was warning fathers especially in the Colossian church of the emotional dangers of corporal punishment, and in the secular pamphlets concerning Christian parenting, he spoke of children as mirrors for adult attitudes towards them and the world, convicting fathers to show a Christ-like example for their children to follow. The slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, with entitled intent, is child abuse.
How do you practice proper Christian parenting? Skin-to-skin contact is recommended by pediatricians and child psychologists as a means to earn a parent-child bond with a child. Children listen to parents that they are securely bonded with, usually in an exemplary manner. The more respect and love you show your children, the more they will show back to you, like looking into a mirror as a parent. The more you try to control your child, the more they want to control back. The more you punish your child, the more they want to punish you back as vengeance, and then from there it is never ending abuse cycle. This is what Paul was warning Christian parents of Hellenistic origin in this Epistle, or convicting signpost letter that called out certain members of the church community anonymously. Paul the Apostle was a convicting figure then, and the fact that he would be anti-spanking and pro-attachment parenting tells you a lot about ancient Jewish society. Spanking children is a Roman custom, not a Judeo-Christian one, meaning the Roman Catholic Church absorbed "biblical spanking" as a pagan custom that was transported to America. The Early Christian and Jewish contexts in the Bible both support attachment parenting.
Children also mirror strictness in their attitudes, namely strict attitudes in parents that children challenge themselves to live up to, meaning parents should show to their children a strict, Christ-like example to follow. The idea is not to impose strictness onto children by way of punishment or controlling attitudes, but by showing such values to them as an example, lovingly encouraging them to be strict with themselves. Most children want to be like their parents, but much more so when parents aren't punitive. Give children a domiciliary or jurisdictional peacekeeper in a way that they can be themselves, playing their way or no way at all, giving parents orders, within a safe place, to safe people called parents, but with children instinctively knowing to keep that pent up energy with parents, as not everyone is going to understand, with children eventually taking up the strict self-discipline of the parents, with parents preferring the child follow in their footsteps, not expecting or mandating, at the same time forming a close bond with their child...It should work like a mirror - behave yourself around your child, and then they do so instinctively.
The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punishment or permissiveness will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn and suffer in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death, which is Satan's final resting place! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!
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