How to apologize to your child: Showing your intent honestly

How does one apologize to a child? We all in life need to apologize when we sin against our neighbor, and children should be people that adults apologize, perhaps merely for existing, which in and itself can be regarded as immoral given how adults have kept children down across time immemorial, usually through sexual abuse.

The concept of apology comes from the Tenth Commandment, as stated in Exodus 20:17 KJV:

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

The Hebrew word translated "covet" is לחמוד (Latin: lachmod) and refers not merely to want, but to wanting things from children, such as cooperation or friendship, to the point of seeking to impose said want onto a child. In the New Testament, this is repeated, and taken further, by the Greek root word πλεονέκτης (Latin: pleonektés), which refers also to want to the point of seeking to impose onto children, in the case of parental entitlement, but with the word pointing to a general state of entitlement, which is a petulant, demanding, controlling, domineering, and/or sexually hateful or objectifying state of being. Entitlement is control, meaning wanting control to the point of seeking to force control, playing God by trying to make things happen, and make children listen as if they are divine subjects.

There are two routes of apology if you are truly sorry, and both regard intent. Someone who is sorry and means well should casually say to a child "I apologize if you think I am mean, as that is not my intent" with a bit of loving distemper. If your entitlement is reckless in nature, focus on the harm and not your "good intentions" as an adult, saying "I apologize for X harm, as I was reckless in my intent". If you had clear intent to control, say "I apologize for wanting to hurt you due to my frustrations. I was wrong". "I was wrong" is key. If you can admit that you were wrong about anything to your child as a parent, you are not entitled, even if you may have been in a previous life, with that sort of apology being a change of heart, until parents simply don't heed it, then they have no right or ability to apologize at all. 

Know that once you have apologized, if your child holds a grudge into adulthood, it's their problem, but while they are a child, it should be treated as a therapeutic problem.

The doctrine of mutual submission makes up the broader context of this message. It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke nor your children to anger, lest they become discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizp) and literally translates to "stirring up the pot" in regard to a child's emotional welfare, in terms of harsh punishments and controlling attitudes. A moral crime against a child has two components, meaning involves entitled intent (mens rea) leading to/guided by an offense (actus reus), with entitled intent being evident solely by a non-apology, meaning a defense, particularly on the "rights" level. An apology is an explanation of your intent in a way that reassures good motives, at least when the apology is made. If you cannot apologize to your child in some way that means something, and defend your entitled choices, you are entitled as a parent, and upon your defense, every "parenting mistake" of yours is counted against you by God, without exception, with God taking the side of the "least of these" meaning children, who are the lowest in this world, and the highest in the next. The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and literally translates to "rest under" when translated most accurately, meaning secure, vulnerable rest and trust in the love and grace of parents, with children being themselves in the love and warmth of parents, being able to share with parents everything and anything under the sun. The Greek root word υπακουο ultimately uplifts an a historical parenting context that is heavily attachment-based in nature, down to the nudity level. Child nudity was allowed throughout the biblical context, and the reason was for mothers to be able to hold their children close. Mothers also rarely wore any clothing, as they rarely left the house under the Old Testament law, but more so in the Early Church, where they quickly put on a simple dress with nothing underneath it, and held young children to their bosom with swaddling bands when out and about. Fathers and mothers alike were seen by Christian society then as martyrs for their children, meaning they apologized just fine for their children, seeing themselves as devoted servants to their children, especially mothers, but also fathers to a large degree. Usually, apologies were taken well, as children were securely bonded with their parents. 

We are referring to in the above paragraph to surrender to parents that is close yet casual in nature, in an intimate way. This can include co-sleeping and skin-to-skin contact strategies, but also any casual interaction with your children that makes it easy to apologize. That is the core marker of any gentle, attached parent - your ability to apologize to your child, however young, when you are wrong in a way that was harmful, by their perception. Mutual submission means mutual respect. and when you respect someone in a relationship, you admit when you are wrong and apologize, perhaps even when you are right, and your children are demanding an apology. With young children, this can be done by compassionate empathetic listening, meaning listening in a reflective way that validates hurt, says "your upset is understandable", but may also say "we aren't going for a drive with all this snow", then letting the child grieve with tears or whines of strong disappointment - yes, "strong" disappointment because at that age, you have had less adversity in terms of sheer loss, with young children being brand new to the world, so it is a bigger issue for them than for you, and you are not to question their emotions, but to trust they are there for a reason, and react to them as those emotions unfold.

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into Hell-fire, being tormented for ever and ever for the pro-spanking and permissive parents that they are! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven!