What is parentification (my struggle as a gentle parent)?

What is parentification? My biggest struggle as a gentle parent. I am a more high-risk pedophile, and refuse the label "Virtuous Pedophile" because there is nothing virtuous about my disorder. "Trust me" is associated with a pedophile, whereas the ultimate pedophile narcissist is "I want to trust you". Most pedophiles want to trust others. 3 out of 4 pedophiles have not sexually abused a child, with pedophiles being more likely than most adults to support youth rights, making it a victim disorder primarily. However, even victims can become perpetrators, and that makes pedophilic adults on par with other adults in terms of risk - meaning risk is in every adult. My case of pedophile is a case one can contrast with. Most pedophiles may see children in a warm, cuddly way where they can't set limits, but I was insane. 

The idea is simple - I don't trust adults, so I put all my eggs in one basket with children, in terms of the dating scene. I see young girls like a surrogate mother to nurse me back to health, but like a spouse at the same time. Think "nursing to health" through a different route than breastfeeding, meaning "hospitality". Hospitable young girls who lay open the welcome mat.

Does this sound "benign" to you? I am grateful for the forgiveness that many of my victim have given me, because I am deserving of none of it, and am deserving of everything hateful and disrespectful. What I did was sexual harassment, in every single case.

Children are to trust me under my Christian beliefs, or else I be damned for discouraging their trust. It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things, as is well-pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they become discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to providing custody, meaning providing for a child based on a form of love driven from outside the body, meaning αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and here refers to earning the trust of children by reorienting my perception of children from bigger people to run to and be a fly in the face to, and instead perceive as striking me with reverent fear, leading to surrendering to God through a child, with the child being a legal extension of God, reporting to God. It is being afraid of hurting children, struck into reverent terror by past experience and future fear of harming a child, in a way that jumps you into action. The Greek root word translated "provoke..to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to lost trust in the moment. The Greek root word αθυμέω (Latin: athumeo) and refers to losing a child trust, permanently, meaning they need to rely on you, not the other way around. 

The idea is allowing yourself to be convicted by God through a child, in terms of elevating children in the right way, meaning not as a mother-figure, but as a goddess of law and order, meaning she's the judge and jury over me. God works within your nature, and messes it around, in this case working against it by way of non-entitlement. I just found myself believing that I was worthless and deserving of nothing from children by default, and the more you focus on that non-entitlement, the more a young girl is like God to you, and so you should treat her with that much respect.

I am entitled to absolutely nothing from a child, meaning they don't have to trust me. But, if they did trust me, that would mean I was kind and trusted them, in the right way that a parent trusts a child to do the right thing - and I do trust them at a healthy level then. Before, I trusted IN them in an entitled way, which is also wanting things from them, which was "comfort" and "company". These days, however, I'm satisfied just being around children, perhaps in public places, and feel no tug to talk to them like I used to. I just walk by, notice, and they don't notice me. If they do, and give me a scathing gaze, I know I have abused them, and then must correct my gaze to correct the problem.

I am entitled to nothing from children, but grateful for everything in terms of undeserved forgiveness.