The Fifth Commandment: What it truly means (and why respect is earned)

Most parents in the United States cling to the mainstream teaching that children should honor their parents no longer what. However, the fact of the matter is that the Bible teaches something entirely different, that parents must earn respect from their children.

It says in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days be long upon the days which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

Parents, before the Tenth Commandments, under Canaanite law, could kill their children on the spot, at any time, usually as a parent of a human sacrifice. After this commandment was legislated, with the nation of Judaea created, parents had to go to court to have a stubborn and rebellious son put down. It says in Deuteronomy 21:18-21 KJV:

If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his fathers, or his mother, and that, when they had chastened him, will not hearken onto him: Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out to the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all of the men of the city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall fear, and hear.

The underlined criteria was taken literally, meaning ALL of it must be made by the defendant, with witnesses giving many warnings beforehand. What is being described here is basically a form of elder abuse, meaning abuse of parents when understood in context. Elder abuse was more stigmatized in the Bible than child abuse, meaning admission of elder abuse often meant accepting blame for child abuse, whether you abused your rebellious son or not. Parents that would charge their then adult child were seen as "those parents", meaning low life parents, meaning trash parents who are cold and unfeeling towards a child. The Jewish culture of the time dealt with rebellion differently - prodigal son. 

There is no biblical mandate to listen to and obey a parent that didn't listen to your needs. It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in everything, as is well-pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they become discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to, in terms of the Law, providing custody, meaning where parents supply the every demand of children, with parents being safe people for children, providing for their every vulnerable need, and children resting in such love and grace of parents, being able to be oneself in relation to children, and impose demands onto parents, feeling safe to be outspoken in relation to parents, ruling them from beneath regarding every need and benign want. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and literally translates to "stirring up" children, meaning "stirring the pot", and refers ultimately to the offenses under the legal context of the Bible, meaning the torts and damages, including assault and battery laws that protect children as well as adults. Today, this means, under the New Testament teachings, that whatever the slightest of offense perceived by a child is objective fact, alongside entitled intent to offend a child, out of willfulness to harm or control, or else recklessness leading to such. This included then, and now, spanking and corporal punishment, false imprisonment, or punishment or control of any kind.

Obedience to parents meant openness with parents in ancient Jewish culture, meaning no fear instead of fear in relation to parents, meaning "back talk" was not a concept in parenting then, neither in Jewish or Christian concepts. Respect for parents meant trusting them enough to give them a piece of your mind, with frank honesty, every now and then, feeling empowered to tell them off when they are missing the mark in terms of caring for you, with them respecting you back for being honest about their shortcomings as a parent, at least later. Children were usually, however, satisfied with their parents enough to be very compliant, due to the closeness between mothers and children in general. Most relationships relationships between parents and their adult children are honest and open like this, whereas the Bible says the honesty from children about their needs should start from day one, or else the earliest date possible.

Ancient Hebrew culture was a child worshipping culture in terms of their parenting, meaning children were seen as next to God, and to be revered and respected as one would God. Children were legal extensions of God, with their every need being law for mothers in particular, but also fathers, particularly in the Early Church. Children were the "least of these" and thus godly in earthly appearance in that sense.

The depraved and entitled parents who are punitive and demand respect will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them suffer and burn in the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!