Self-discipline in children: Why lack of structure leads to discipline in children

American parents tend to favor disciplined children, and most punish in order to get that result. However, that is not the way to do it. Lack of structure, especially for more rebellious children, is actually beneficial to a child forming their own structure.

It says in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to providing custody of children under the Law, meaning supplying the every demand, venting the every upset, frustration, and emotional issue onto children, with little structure, and children playing freely in close range to parents, either physically or by cell phone (in the case of older children), with children forming their own structure, working out their emotions through free play, with adults only intervening to avert risk of death or serious bodily injury.

The Greek root word translated παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to the chastening of the Lord, meaning discipline. This involves self-discipline in parents, meaning parents being chastened up in a way that is listening in nature, listening to and validating the every upset and frustration of children, modeling self-control to them as you listen to their tears and upset, in a reassuring and reflective manner. By children being shown this form of restraint from parents, they learn, as they get older, to show restraint themselves. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to setting boundaries and limits, backed up by trust and fondness for parents, and not punishment, as this is truly the admonition of the Lord. Flat out "no" statements, or their various variants, are to be used rarely, usually with younger children, with terms of agreement being worked out with older children and teenagers. With younger children, reconciliation can also occur by way of reminding children of their choices, taking into account the possibility of choice overload. This is weighed by the Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to provocation to anger by way of the fits of anger of parents/adults, and refers more broadly to the offenses under the Eighth Commandment, meaning taking things away from a child in some way, which includes their ability to feel safe, meaning the slightest of offense perceived by the child, including the slightest of touch to the child's person leading to offense, usually considered kidnapping under the Law due to the hostage-taking nature of corporal punishment in particular.

In ancient Israel and adjoining churches, it was attachment parenting culture, meaning children did not have much structure in life then apart from closeness to parents, meaning young children rarely ever left their mother's side, and infants up to age 3 were swaddled to the bosom of mothers, with breastfeeding being allowed everywhere in that culture. Skin-to-skin contact was a way for children to feel safe in relation to parents. Children voiced their every upset to parents by way of showing anger to parents in private, with parents being selfless. When outside the house, children remained close to parents, and were quiet, feeling safe and in good hands. 

Punishment was illegal entirely in the Early Christian context, with church discipline consisting of natural and logical consequences such as excommunication and shinning, and the rod of correction being a figurative statement about legal authority towards adult children in particular, meaning the father whipping the errant son was an accessory to the Israelite state, did it in a courtroom in a once-in-a-lifetime trial in a given community, and hated to have to do it. In the case of a stubborn and rebellious son, it would have been seen as a punishment on the father's part - a good parent by the standards of that culture kept children away from the law, and testified on their behalf, not against them. No stubborn and rebellious son was ever punished under the Law, meaning no father ever literally whipped his son in the Bible, ever, by way of records. All talk of it in the Old Testament was figurative of the force of the legal system then. I myself replace "rod" with "prison" or "registry" and get a more modern application, meaning Proverbs is a book for young adults, meaning minor children are not the topic of discussion. They were instead centered by the nurturing and nourishment of their mothers from day one.

The depraved and entitled parents will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them burn and rot in the ever-burning lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for the evil one and his accomplices! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!