Why authoritative parenting is also abuse

 Many people here, when I talk to them, think I hate gentle parenting when I say my authoritative parents were abusive. Many organized pedophiles did, in fact, take policing attitudes towards our parents then. Gentle parenting, in the 1990-2000s, was pretty much the same as authoritative parenting, in terms of methods. However, I support gentle, attached parenting, on grounds of my conservative Christian faith. Why? I grew up in an authoritative home.

The average authoritative parent is a "worry" narcissist, and that's what the parenting actually is - coercive "worry" from parents, meaning they tell you "I'm worried about you" by punishing you or controlling you in other ways. Many of the times I was physically punished by my father was was for eloping, only it didn't stop me. My mother dealt with eloping better, namely by holding me in a "bear hug" restraint until I calmed down. She would be nurturing, but in a firm way. 

I was also punished a lot for verbal defiance. I was defiant because I was being punished. Children, when you force them to do something against their will, like anyone, will fight back even more. It then becomes a battle of wills, and the parent-child relationship is adversarial in a hostile way.

We are the enemy of children, not the reverse. Gentle parenting is biblical, and has been transported by God through the Bible to Western civilization, including the United States. It says Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, for this is the first commandment with promise; that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to a specific type of surrender to parents, namely secure attachment. It is like being a file folder, while allowing your parents to file through, feeling completely safe and natural with your parents knowing you down to the core like a lamp, just as God knows His children like that. The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to exemplary self-discipline in a parent, meaning the parent uses behaviorism to control themselves, not children, while modeling that self-control to children. This is called co-regulation. The Greek root word translation "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: noutheia) and refers figuratively to the rod of correction, which was a common symbol of judicial authority then (i.e. akin to a gavel or scales of justice) a two-sided thread of non-binding righteous judgment, with the larger prong on the thread representing pleasantness and encouragement towards children, in terms of pointing out their good traits, and caring about them and accepting them for who they are as children, but with the occasional negative limit, namely the word "no". A good gentle parent only has to use the word "no" rarely, with a child who develops normatively in our society. 

Gentle parenting is synonymous with attachment parenting, not authoritative parenting. Ancient Hebrew culture was an attachment parenting society, meaning parents, namely mothers, were close to their children, and saw them as extensions of God in the Early Christian context. Children slept next to their mothers, and were carried on their mother's back, until a late age. The concept of biblical parenting is for parents to sacrifice as Christ sacrificed for His children, as an enemy to children, just as mankind is the enemy to God, and thus parents must atone for their power and control over their children as such.

Religion was never a subject I was punished for, but I felt a mesh of religious pressure to shake a belief I couldn't - that punishing a child is wrong and will always be wrong. I just knew it was wrong, by the very nature of it. I was an agnostic atheist then, with stress on the "agnostic" part. I then discovered through reading Thy Rod and Thy Staff They Comfort Me: Christians and the Spanking Controversy that my abuse was illegal all along, but that the secular authorities simply haven't gotten to banning it yet. That means I found God here, in a children's rights movement. Religion was central to my healing, including regarding issues linked to my trauma, but maybe separate...I was never taught religion by my parents, meaning they allowed me to form my own beliefs, a defining aspect of authoritative parenting. I had a void of uncertainty and lack of structure, not knowing yet knowing what was happening to children all around me. I have a corporal punishment existence trauma, and I am grateful to God for His Loving Punishment towards parents who punish their children, and His Loving Justice for children in the process.

I have vanished out the memories of being punished, waiting in dread for the punishment to come, feeling nauseated during and after the assault. I can remember feeling like time wouldn't go on. After several rounds of punishment, it wasn't too bad, but it didn't wear off. I then, being a controlling environment, sought to control parents back, meaning a power struggle. My parents then gave up, and simply became my friend instead of identifying as a parent, and then I ended up being friends back. That's what gentle parenting is. You befriend your child, and they become your friend in return, but you are more emotionally mature and responsible, in a way that removes them of all responsibility. Children have no binding responsibility until age 18, and until then are being taught, and thus shouldn't be punished. Punishment actually undermines teaching, as who wants to listen to a tyrant?

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger will burn and rot in ever-burning Hell-fire! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!