What is "atheism" self-existence trauma

 Many people here in the children's rights movement have religious trauma. I might the only one here with irreligious trauma. I hate atheism,. though have to be tolerant to it due to my Christian beliefs on tolerance. Do not advertise that rag of filth or you shall be dead, or so I feel in the reverse.

Certain Christian academic topics are assumed ones, namely the resurrection and prophesies, all which point to the fact of a God. I also see a Bible well-organized, yet written over the course of centuries. Yes, there is a God out there, and that is objective fact. That is how I must see things in order to survive.

Atheism makes me think of an atom bomb, and the fact that I have an anxiety disorder. Nothing. Darkness. Who would be there to punish all the abusers of the world, or else reward their change of heart. Trying to remind myself of God's existence was like a searing trumpet, meaning "we don't know" as a statement is the most frightening spit of gaslighting that you can tell me, and is spiritually abusive to the core. 

In my case, I was attracted to my triggers, meaning "I must hear the other side", which I know is wrong.

Yes, I get it - atheists must do mental gymnastics sometimes to avoid Christianity. With me, it is like sitting on a stump, meaning the more I sit on the stump, the more I know it is beneath, meaning behind me. 

I'm glad I believe in God. It is not anything to struggle with, but a factual belief. This has nothing to do with any atheist here. Some people should not be atheists, because they put abusers' excuses in that bowl. It's a trauma that *I* am responsible for, and does not exist currently unless someone pushes atheism on me, in which case, by now, it is simply something that would get me very irritated. It is actually a benign spiritual trauma, and self-imposed partly. What didn't help was that my parents did not actually instruct me in a religion, and I had freedom to explore all faiths, and any one I chose they would support. I can't say that I'd be like that with my children, if I were to be a parent. My values are default, until they refuse instruction, then I would allow them to research different beliefs, hoping they'd come back, accepting the possibility that they never would, looking for faults in my parenting as to why they went to other beliefs. Children need religious structure, or else some objective moral structure, but they need it taught like the kindest, most caring teacher you had at school, meaning the one that might sit down with you if you had difficulties with learning or behavior. The instruction has a certain element to it that the child can question my interpretations and possibly change my mind - pro-social debate. I'd want my child to question everything, but at the same time earn their trust that their dad knows something about life.