How I am in ordinary life

 Many here see me as someone who is constantly angry, and hateful, and spiteful. I live in a two-sided world. It is pro-social Internet peacekeeper, in children's rights format. I am not a loudmouth in my personal life like I am online.

The facts that I share about me are the same, but I am not an emphatic, expressive person by nature. I am more of a quiet, humble, shamefaced adult in relation to children, and other people in general. I don't speak much these days, and there's a simple reason for it - no reason to.

I actually don't go preaching and thumping a Bible around my hometown, Reading, Pennsylvania, and nor to I go around reverse gaslighting people. I had to question my mother in relation to my doctor, for entitlement by way of ignorance, and it turned out negative, meaning she knew more than she let on, and cared about me and the situation, which was one of two outcomes I planned for, with the other being "I do believe you have a psychotic disorder, and are imagining these things" in which case I'd interrogate her to the level of interrogating myself within the argument, ending at vulnerability and embraced helplessness. She is a good mother, and thus not an identified parent by my classifications. Otherwise, I am quiet, except to ask her to do things like make snacks for me, take me out to eat, and such. 

I do, in fact, identify as a pedophile on my own platform, as a person, as an individual. This page is not intended to be a pedophile, as pages are computer programming and thus not mental programming. It simply points to a pedophile, within my brain. A pedophile is an antisocial parent conflated with sexuality. It is a sexual orientation, but due to the fact that a child will never be able to marry an adult, it is an implied one of the unfortunate type. I do not identify anywhere on the Internet, as of now (13 Mar 2021) as a pedophile, and where such identifications have been "spotted" and/or feigned, I retract them, and bring them here where they can be supervised more readily...An antisocial pedophile would be impulsive enough to post on other pages in a gaslighting manner, so you can be aware of that in relation to me, but my gentle parenting views simply are influenced by the cord, and are not the strand itself. The strand is a connotational strand, and is held in by the parental encasement having good, evidence-based, developmentally-informed knowledge of the harm to children.

I am a pedophile in real life within my person, in terms of brain wiring, but not by outward identity except to a few trusted parties. I am subject to the court, in terms of questioning, on an equal yet fair level, where I presume innocence in parents beyond a reasonable doubt, but accept questioning from parents.

I am aware of my attraction all the time, especially lately due to gaslighting. I am improving in becoming aware, then charring it down. It wasn't a planned treatment plan, but simply happened by circumstance. I am now aware in a healthy, sex-critical way. That means that sexuality is not your whole being, but a part of you that you have, meaning literally a mental disorder in this case. It is tamping the strand down with non-entitlement self-talk, and information as to why sex with children will never be okay. 

Virtuous Pedophiles don't want to come here. Not as advocates, at least, and I don't think many of them are cut out for the job. What I mean is that they'll get cold feet for another reason - children being hurt is scary for a lot of us, so many pedophiles just tune it out. I can't tune it out, and hate parents with a traumatic vengeance, and so I stay here, and not invite pedophiles from VirPed here...I can see it right now, "stop selling me on your children's rights crap" when they already believe in it from what I can tell. I can see them as lay members who identify, but not advocates. Most of them would be terrified of some of the images I saw of abuse, and want to kill themselves. Me? Numb, because it is that much more horrific. I'm numb to it all around me, all the child abuse and hatred of children. I can get very angry, but I just don't feel it. 

I can't take it anymore, so I just pretend it is over there until proven otherwise beyond a reasonable doubt. I suffer in silence now, meaning simply numb. I don't show extreme anger in the supermarket with parents. I just silently witness, count heads, count the dead. Sure is a lot of them, isn't there.