Passing down the faith: How to instruct children in the Lord without punitive measures

Many parents want children to have values. This is a common goal for parents to have for their children. Most American parents want their children to embrace a values system of some sort. However, most American parents believe in "breaking their will" in regard to children. The fact of the matter is that there are better ways to impart Judeo-Christian values onto children. 

God's Law on proper discipline, including religious instruction, is spelled out in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

This stanza of this commandment clarifies for the second that religious instruction should not hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. The key here in proper parenting is to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just as hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings are inevitable in children when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent from parents, in the form of a half-apology, whenever a child cannot accept a limit not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit to never losing your cool with your child, as parent anger directed towards children alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This stanza of this commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase translating roughly to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

There is no need to "break the will" of children. Religion is a human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and is better translated as "instruction" in more modern versions of the Bible. The Apostle Paul was referring here to religious instruction. Starting at age 6, fathers left out a Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, they were given lavish praise and encouragement to keep up the Bible study. Then, fathers said to their children "you can ask me anything about that book". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format. Children were curious about Scripture, and fathers were quick to give pointers on the context.

Many parents seek to hasten religious development in children. For example, children are often forced into grateful postures in order to "make them grateful". Instead, children find grateful postures on their own, once they hit a certain level of perfection. I tie my hands behind my back to show gratitude, and nobody taught me to do so. It just feels comfy to be in that position all of the time.

A common form of religious instruction is to "break the will" of children. The idea is to keep punishing children until they submit to Christ. The problem with that is that a child does not have a will to be broken. A will is something a narcissist has, not an innocent child. A child instead wants things, usually in a benign way, meaning children don't ask for much. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!