Child discipline: How to discipline your child without punishment or force

Many parents want their children to have discipline. This is a common goal amongst American parents. However, most American parents equate discipline with punishment. But, the fact of the matter is that proper discipline should not hurt.

God's Law on proper discipline is spelled out in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

This first stanza clarifies for the second that discipline should not hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. It is one thing to stop spanking or punishing children. But, it is not enough to stop spanking or punishing children. You need to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults. Just like hurt feelings are inevitable in relations between adults, hurt feelings in children are inevitable when dealing with them. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology for hurting their feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent from parents, in the form of a half-apology, when children cannot accept a limit not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology to your child for hurting their feelings with your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit to not losing your cool with your child, as losing your cool with your child alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This stanza of this commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions onto children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

This second stanza of this commandment spells out proper discipline, with the first stanza ruling out anything punitive with a child. The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia), and refers to a specific form of nurturing, namely of the teaching sort. Christian parents in the Early Church looked for preferred behaviors in children, and when parents saw these behaviors in children, they praised and encouraged more good behavior of the same. Parents in the Early Church imparted a good Christian example for children to emulate, with this example being backed up by praise and encouragement, as opposed to punishment or force. Children also need religious instruction, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and is better translated as "instruction" in more modern versions of the Bible. The Apostle Paul here was referring to religious instruction of a certain type. Starting at age 6, fathers left out a Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, they were given lavish praise and encouragement in their religious learning. Fathers then said to children, "you can ask me anything about that book". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, with children being curious about Scripture, and with fathers being quick to give pointers on the context. This second stanza refers to the Hebraic parenting tradition of positive reinforcement, with this tradition predating Christ by thousands of years.

Sometimes, a parent needs to set a limit with their child. However, them accepting limits is another story. Whenever a child cannot accept a set limit, it is a good time to apologize to them for hurting their feelings. If you refuse to apologize for hurting your child's feelings, it is then officially an offense under God's Law.

It is a myth that children in the Bible were raped as a means of discipline. Sexual correction of childhood behaviors was completely prohibited under Christian law. Fathers did have parent attractions to their children, usually their daughters, but fathers were prohibited under Christian law from sexually abusing their child in any respect. Instead, fathers disciplined their children by catching them being good, and then praising them for it.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!