Passing down the faith: How to instruct your child in the Lord without punitive measures

Many parents want their children to have religion. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, most American parents feel the need to force religion onto their children. But, the fact of the matter is that there are better ways to instruct a child in the Lord without punitive measures.

God's Law on child discipline, including religious instruction, is spelled out in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

This first stanza clarifies for the second that religious instruction should not hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement, with this entitlement including any parent anger directed towards a child. The key here is to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding children in other adults. Just like with relations between adults, hurt feelings are inevitable in dealing with children. Thus, in order to avoid offense in children, you need to be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent in the case of a limit not set out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including while setting limits, you need to give a formal apology, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever ever again, as losing your cool with your child alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translated to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive measures on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

There is no need to beat a religious instruction into a child. Religion is a human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and is better translated as "instruction" in more modern versions of the Bible. The Apostle Paul here was discussing religious instruction, namely religious instruction of a specific type. Starting at age 6, fathers left out a Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, they were given lavish praise and encouragement, with fathers then saying "you can ask me any question about that book". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, with children being curious about Scripture, and with fathers giving pointers on the context. 

Christian parents tend to rush the religious development of their children, and that is where contention in the home starts. For example, there is never a need to force children into grateful postures. Such postures come on their own, and are a sign of appropriate religious development. I myself tie my hands behind my back, and nobody made me as a child. I am a Christian fundamentalist, and nobody taught me religion as a child. Religion is a part of child development, meaning children form their own religious beliefs, if you let them.

It is a myth that a parent needs to break the will of a child in order to teach them religion. Many Christian fundamentalists don't realize that a child does not have a will, as children are not narcissists. A child instead has wants, with most of these wants being harmless. The idea is to give children most of what they want, and everything that they need. Children will learn non-entitlement in due time, when they emulate the non-entitled example of parents.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!