"Benign" deprivation: Why saying "no" to children "frequent and often" can be child abuse

Many parents think that children need to hear the word "no" from parents "frequent and often". This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most Americans believe in the doctrine of "benign" deprivation, which basically amounts to saying "no" to a child for every little thing. However, saying "no" all of the time can be seen as child abuse under God's Law.

God's Law on child abuse is spelled out in Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement, with this entitlement including any parent anger directed towards children. The key to not abusing your child is to avoid offense in children. Avoiding offense in children includes avoiding saying "no" to every little thing a child wants. A child should only hear the word "no" from parents when absolutely necessary, meaning almost never. Sometimes, a child cannot accept the word "no", in which case the parent should be willing to give a meaningful apology to children. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent, when children cannot accept the word "no" when not given out of anger, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to say no to X for Y reasons". However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, you should definitely give a formal apology to children for hurting their feelings when their feelings are hurt by your anger, such as "I apologize for losing my temper with you", and then commit never to never losing your cool with your child ever again, as losing your cool with your child alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christians who brought into the church their pagan parenting customs, which were punitive on children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

Under customary law in the Early Church, as a general rule, the word "no" was prohibited in parenting. The only exceptions were if the petitioned requests from the child was unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. When children could not accept the word "no", parents apologized to children, usually in the form of reassurance of good intent. However, whenever parents said "no" out of anger, they definitely were required to give a formal apology for abusing a child with the word "no". But, most parents found nicer-sounding phrases to decline a request, such as "that won't work", "that isn't possible", or "that can't happen".

Parenting in the Early Church was not motivated by anger, with any parenting motivated by anger being seen as akin to a viper lashing out at an unsuspecting child. Maybe the child was given a warning, but that's about it. Most Christian parents in the Early Church were motivated by worry or concern, not anger. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke your children to anger through punitive parenting will nor inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!