Child discipline: How to discipline your child without punitive measures

Many parents want their children to have discipline. This is a common goal for parents. However, most American parents think that punishment equates to discipline. However, the fact of the matter is that there are better ways to discipline a child than punishing them. Catch them being good!

God's Law on child discipline is spelled out in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

This first stanza clarifies for the second that discipline should not hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement, with this entitlement including any parent anger directed towards a child. It is one thing to stop spanking your child. However, it is not enough to avoid spanking or other forms of punishment in parenting. You need to avoid offense in your child. Avoiding offense in children is the same as avoiding offense in other adults - be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt the feelings of another, including in the case of children. Usually, all that is necessary in parenting is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents, including when children cannot accept an ordinary limit not set out of anger. However, if you ever lose your cool with your child as a parent, including when setting limits, you definitely need to give a formal apology to your child, and then commit never to lose your cool with your child ever again, as losing your cool as a parent alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here was convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", namely the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment of children. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

The second stanza of this verse denotes what discipline is acceptable, with the first stanza ruling out anything punitive with a child. The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers here to a specific form of nurturing, namely of the teaching sort. Children were left to form their own discipline, and when they were caught in the act of showing discipline, they were lavishly praised and encouraged to keep up the good work. Christian parents in the Early Church set a good example for their children to follow, but backed it up with praise and encouragement, as opposed to punishment or force. Whenever a child showed preferred behaviors, they were lavishly praised and encouraged, every time. Children also need religious instruction, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and is better translated as "instruction" in more modern versions of the Bible. The Apostle Paul here was referring here to religious instruction, and one of a specific sort that was light to the touch. Starting when children attained the age of 6, fathers left out a Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, they were lavishly praised and encouraged to keep up the good work, with fathers then saying "you can ask me anything about that book". Children were curious about Scripture, and fathers were quick to give pointers on the context. This second stanza denotes the Hebraic parenting tradition of positive reinforcement, with positive reinforcement predating Christ by thousands of years. Christian parents in the Early Church caught their children being good, as opposed to catching them misbehaving. 

Sometimes, a parent needs to set limits. This only happened in the Early Church when absolutely necessary, such as when children were behaving in an unsafe or immoral manner. The word "no" only was used when children asked for things that were unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. However, children don't always accept limits being set for them. That is when parents backed up their limits with an apology, meaning usually a reassurance of good intent, such as "I'm sorry, but I had to set X limit for Y reasons". When you lose your cool as a parent, you should give a formal apology along the lines of "I apologize for losing my cool. I was wrong in how I treated you", with you then making a commitment never to be angry at your child ever again. Normative Christian parenting in the Early Church was not motivated by anger, but instead by way of worry or concern.

Fathers in the Early Church did not sexually correct children with "hand-me-down-the-slate" gaslighting. However, fathers in the Early Church were attracted to their daughters, and they imprinted on their daughters by masturbating to thoughts of her. Young girls in the Early Church went naked wherever they went, with their nudity standing out to fathers for supervisory purposes. When fathers masturbated to thoughts of their naked daughter, he began to feel close to his daughter. Masturbation is how men imprint on children. Child sexual abuse was rare in biblical times, meaning it almost never happened apart from a few cases. Attraction to children was not shameful to admit in the Early Church, and the assumption coming from such an admission was that the father needed help in controlling his desires. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torrents, suffering\God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!