"Benign deprivation" : Why saying "no" to children "frequent and often" is child abuse

Many parents think children need to hear the word "no" frequent and often. This is a common attitude on the part of parents. Most American parents say "no" to children "frequent and often" as a means of teaching a child that the word "no" is a part of life. However, the fact of the matter is that the word "no" should be used seldom, meaning almost never. The frequent use of the word "no" can be seen as child abuse, if perceived as such by a child. This attitude on the part of parents is known as "benign" deprivation.

God's Law on child abuse is spelled out in Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement, with this entitlement including any parent anger directed towards children. Child abuse in the Bible, as a legal concept, consists of entitlement in parents, leading to offense in children. It is not enough to stop spanking and punishing children - you need to avoid offense in children. But, hurt feelings are inevitable in parenting, and thus you should be willing to give a meaningful apology whenever you hurt your child's feelings. One common way to hurt a child's feelings is the word "no" said to a child. Whenever you upset a child with the word "no", it is a good time to apologize to your child for hurt feelings, lest it be officially an offense. Usually, all that is necessary is a reassurance of good intent coming from parents. However, if you ever say "no" as a parent out of anger or haste, you definitely need to apologize to your child, and then commit to never to lose your cool alone with your child, as losing your cool with your child alone is entitlement, and was seen as entitlement in the Early Church. This commandment cross-references the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christian parents who brought into the church their pagan customs of parenting, which were punitive in nature. Paul, contrary to popular legend, opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under\Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

The word "no", in the Early Church, as a general rule, was banned under customary law. The only exception to that rule was when the child's petitioned request was unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Usually, when the child could not accept the word "no", they were given a meaningful apology by way of reassuring the child of good intent. But, when parents lost their cool with their child, they gave a formal apology, then committing to never losing your cool with your child ever again. Even then, parents usually found a nicer-sounding way to say "no" to their children, such as "that won't work", "that can't happen", or "that isn't possible".

Parent anger was nearly absent in the Early Church. Most parenting in the Early Church was not motivated by anger, and instead was motivated by worry or concern. A Christian mother then simply was the type to worry a lot about her children. She never had the entitled backbone necessary to ever be angry with her child. Fathers also nurtured, but from a distance, in a teaching manner.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!