Positive reinforcement: Why to catch children being good (as opposed to when they misbehave)

Many parents think that child discipline involves catching children being bad, and then punishing them for their unruly behavior. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, the Bible calls for a specific form of child discipline that involves spontaneous positive reinforcement, meaning catching children being good.

God's Law on child discipline is spelled out in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The first stanza of this commandment clarifies for the second that discipline should not hurt. The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers here to offenses or damages, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. Child abuse in the Bible is defined as entitlement in parents, leading to offense in children. The idea is to avoid offenses in children, namely by apologizing meaningfully when you hurt your child's feelings. It is especially imperative to give a full apology when you lose your cool with your child, as parent anger alone is entitlement. This commandment cross-references both the Eighth and the Tenth Commandments, with the Apostle Paul here convicting a group of Greek Christians in the parish at Ephesus who brought into the church their pagan custom of patrias potestas, which is a Latin phrase roughly translating to "power to the parent", including the power to impose punitive sanctions on children, such as spanking or other forms of punishment. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punitive parenting in his secular writings. Attachment parenting was banned under Roman law, but the Early Christians did it anyway, obeying God over men.

The second stanza tells us what discipline is appropriate, with the first stanza ruling out anything punitive with a child. The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers here to a specific form of nurturing, namely of the teaching type. Children were allowed to form their own discipline, and when children showed that discipline, they were lavishly praised and encouraged to keep up the good work. Christian parents in the Early Church set a good example for their children, but with their example being backed up by praise and encouragement, as opposed to punishment and force. This positive reinforcement was a Jewish tradition found not only in the Early Church, but also in Jewish homes dating millennia before the time of Christ. Positive reinforcement is the Jewish tradition of catching children being good, as opposed to punishing them for misbehaving. Children also need religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and is better translated as "instruction" (see the English Standard Version). Religious instruction started at age 6, when fathers left out a Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, they were lavishly praised and encouraged to keep on studying, with fathers saying to children "you can ask me any questions you have about that book". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, with children being eager to learn about Scripture, with fathers giving pointers as to the context. 

Children sometimes needed limits, usually when they were behaving in an unsafe or immoral manner. However, limits in the Early Church were backed up by an apology, meaning parents have to apologize merely when a child cannot accept a set limit.. Whenever your set limits as a parent upset a child, it was seen as an offense. Most of the time, children growing up in the Early Church were allowed much freedom, with parents usually only stepping in when a child was behaving in an unsafe or immoral manner. "Immoral" here refers to blasphemy offenses such as fornication. Otherwise, children were only given limits when they behaved in an unsafe manner, with a modern example being playing ball in the house. 

Mothers nurture from up close, whereas fathers nurture from afar. For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning the child never left the presence of mothers. Fathers took over when the child turned age 6, and discovered a Bible that was laying out. Fathers then, contrary to popular legend, did not sexually correct their children when the child would not stop crying. Instead, mothers did the hard work of diagnosing the vulnerable need in children, before meeting such needs. Children then only cried, and even then, usually only cried to petition vulnerable needs with mothers. Any sexual relations with a child was seen in the Bible as deserving of death.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!