Mutual respect: Why respect for parents is earned

Many parents feel entitled to respect these days. Most American parents insist on respect from children, while doing nothing to earn it. However, the Bible is clear that respect for parents is earned by the parent. Parenting in the Bible consists of a mutual submission relationship between parent and child, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto the parent.

The Bible, as understood in the original Greek, commands for parents and children a secure attachment. See Colossians 3:20 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and is better translated as "trust", as in "trust your parents in everything". Ultimately, in context, this trust refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. The context of the Bible clarifies what is meant by a secure attachment, with secure attachment being the normative parenting setup in the Bible. 

Respect for parents was a thing in biblical times, but that came in the form of closeness to parents, not fear of parents. For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did her child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held, either in mom's loving arms, or else on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, seemingly attached at the hip, not allowing mom out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever a child cried, mothers cooed at their children, before picking them up, and from there, she diagnosed the need before meeting it. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. Whatever the child needed, they got it. Whenever children were out and about in public with mothers, mom wrapped up her child next to her bosom in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - being tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress worn by mothers that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, Christian parents in the Early Church co-slept next to their children in skin-on-skin format. Children growing up in the Early Church went naked wherever they went, with mothers also going naked within the confines of the family home. This birth nudity setup helped facilitate easy skin-on-skin contact between parent and child, with children experiencing the rays of skin-on-skin sustaining warmth merely when picked up.

A secure attachment is what is meant in both Col. 3:20 and Eph. 6:1  Most children raised in a securely attached environment were cooperative with parents, in a way where the child wants to please parents and make their day Children growing up in the Early Church were docile and cooperative - especially after age 6 - but out of affection towards parents as opposed to fear of punishment from parents. 

Refusing to meet a child's every vulnerable need is not saved behavior. The commandments in Col. 3:20 and Eph  6:1 are written to the parents of the child. This is because children were not subject to the Law while they were still children. Maybe children had to atone for purity offenses, but that only came later, in retrospect when the child grew up to be an adult. The Greek root word translated "obey" in parenting matters is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo)  and implies that children be loved as a neighbor. Any unloving treatment against a child defended in open court alone is entitlement. This love is denoted by the Greek word αγαπαο, meaning parents are to do good works for their child, or be charged with entitlement if they outright refuse to show Christian love towards their children. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 1Cor, 13:4-8. 

The depraved and entitled parents who were disrespectful towards their children will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Repent!