The word "no": Why children need to hear the word "no" seldom (meaning almost never)

Many parents say "no" frequent and often. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents think that children need to hear the word "no" frequent and often. However, the fact of the matter is that children need your "yes" far more than your "no". The word "no" should be used seldom, meaning almost never.

The word "yes", when used frequently, is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to perform good works for children, with children resting securely in the good works of parents. Good works here refer to doing good things for children, meeting children's every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40; 25:31-46; 1Cor. 13:4-8.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were initially charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your children hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul. contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon.

Christian parents in the Early Church were required under the Law, as well as customary law, to, by default, never say "no" to a child, lest it offend the child. The only time parents were allowed to say "no" was when children petitioned for something unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Even when parents said "no", they were required to issue reassurance and an explanation as to why they had to say "no". If you are willing to give a Hebraic apology to your child, you are not entitled as a parent. A full apology is required when parents were angry at their children and/or approached their children by taking the first steps to sexually abusing a child, which is parental entitlement.

Even when parents had to decline a request, Christian parents in the Early Church used nicer-sounding phrases. These phrases included, but were not limited to, statements such as "that won't work", "that can't happen", or "that isn't possible". These phrases helped cushion the blow when a rare petitioned request was declined. 

Most Christian parents in the Early Church said "yes" or similar statements a lot, and that is because most unharmful wants count as attachment needs. When you deny your child what they want unnecessarily, you create a rift in the attachment with children. You also unnecessarily offend a child when you say "no" all of the time, and if you defend it as a right, it counted as an actual offense coming from entitlement.

The only way to say "no" to a child, morally legally speaking, is seldom, meaning almost never. If the parent had to say "no", they were to be apologetic in denying the child a want, and only deny a want when absolutely necessary. The right thing to say to reassure an upset child is "sorry I had to say 'no', but..." and then state the reason for the word "no". Or else, you can say it nicer and say things such as "that can't happen" calmly and apologetically.

Parent anger is the most common form of parental entitlement, and most parents who say "no" a lot have displeasure for their child that counts as entitlement. Most parents liken their child to a "gnat". The idea is to avoid parental entitlement at all costs, including any parent anger directed towards a child. The only time a parent should get angry is to take a protective stand for their child. Any time you lash out at your child, you are entitled, and need to atone for your parental entitlement by way of a full apology, promising the child never to abuse them again.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!