Temper tantrums: Why meltdowns in children are not bad behavior

Many parents punish their children simply for throwing a temper tantrum. This is a common motive for punishing children in America. Most parents think that when a child throws a temper tantrum, that they need punishment. However, the fact of the matter is that temper tantrums in children are not bad behavior.

Tending to temper tantrums is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to perform good works for their children, with children resting securely in the good works of parents. Good works here refers to doing good things for children, meeting children's every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46; 1Cor. 13:4-8.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to,  any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were initially charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon.

Temper tantrums happen a lot with children in modern American society. Most parents punish their children merely for having a meltdown. However, Christian parents in the Early Church knew more than parents today that children cry in order to petition a need from parents. Most children in biblical times did not throw a full-fledged, kicking and screaming temper tantrum. Instead, they cried when they needed something, without the kicking and screaming.

The most common reason for children in the Bible, under age 6, crying was separation anxiety. Children in the Early Church cried a deathly, screeching cry when mom as little as left the room, fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Mothers then picked up the child, and held the young child next to her bosom in mammary closeness. From there, she diagnosed the need, before meeting that need.

Children today are forced into silence by way of punishments imposed on them. Children in that context are afraid of being punished for crying. Thus, children instead hold in their big emotions, and keep holding it in, until they can no longer contain themselves, in which case they tantrum out of overwhelm. Christian parents in the Early Church instead allowed their children to cry, and then responded in order to meet the petitioned needs of children. 

Children were understood by customary law in the Early Church as having five basic categories of needs; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - with the greatest of these needs being attachment! Christian parents in the Early Church first tested for attachment needs by co-snuggling their children in mammary closeness, possibly breastfeeding the child if they were milk-hungry. When the child continued crying, the mother scrambled to find out what the child needed, before fulfilling the child's need, whatever that need may be. Tiredness was counted as an attachment need, as children should sleep next to his/her mother when they go to bed. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!

Christian mothers in theb