Mutual respect: Why respect is earned in parenting

Many parents feel entitled to respect from children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents feel the need to insist on respect from children. However, parents today need an attitude adjustment, and thus need to earn respect from children. 

Mutual respect is a part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to perform good works for their children, with children resting securely in the good works of parents. Good works here refers to good works for children, meeting a child's every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and here refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon. 

Respect for parents was a concept in biblical times, but came in the form of closeness with parents, as opposed to fear of parents. For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness with mothers, meaning that wherever mom went, so did her child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, seemingly being attached to the hip of mothers, crying out loud when mom went into the other room, morbidly fearing that mothers would "go away and never come back". Whenever a child cried, mothers cooed at children before picking them up, and from there, she diagnosed the need before meeting that need. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. Whatever the child needed, they got it. When mothers and children under age 6 were out and about in public, mom wrapped up their children next to her bosom in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - being tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress worn by mothers that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format. Children went naked wherever they went, with mothers also going naked in the context of the family home. This birth nudity setup helped facilitate easy skin-on-skin sustaining warmth, with children experiencing the rays of skin-on-skin contact merely when being picked up. 

In most cases, children did respect their parents. However, this respect came in the form of playful, affectionate cooperation. Children, for the first 6 years, followed mothers around like goslings to a mother goose. When children got older than age 6, they played outside naked, in the form of wet and messy play. Children travelled farther and farther from home, then returning to mothers in most cases when they needed closeness, alternating between free play and closeness. 

Parents are deserving of absolutely nothing in relation to children. Not even respect. Not even affection. Not even forgiveness. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Respect as a parent is something that is earned, not handed over for free on a silver platter. Insisting on respect from a child is something to avoid at all costs.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!