Honor parents: Understanding the Fifth Commandment in context

Many parents feel entitled to respect from their children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents insist on being honored by their children. The leading motive for punishing a child in America is speaking against parents. However, honoring parents refers simply to taking care of parents as they age. 

The Fifth Commandment is stated in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

It is a myth that it is a moral offense to speak against your father and mother. The fact of the matter is that honoring parents refers specifically to caring for your children as they age. The reason why this commandment made the first 10 was because Ancient Israel had an elder abuse problem. If children truly had abusive parents, they were allowed to shun their abusive parents. 

The Fifth Commandment is repeated in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to perform good works for their children, with children resting securely in the good works of parents. Good works here is defined as doing good things for children, meeting their every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing their children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon.

Honoring parents involves giving back to them in some specific way, as a means of thanksgiving for all of the loving memories made with parents. The main way to honor your parents is to take care of them as they age, out of gratitude for all the loving childhood memories given to children by their parents. However, when parents are abusive, children have the right to disown their parents. See 1 Cor. 5:11. 

I myself still have contact with my parent abuser, but only because they apologized to me. I was abused within the law, meaning my abusive parents followed the law in abusing me. Those types of abusers usually come around at some point, usually after they have children like me that give them hell. I now honor my parents, besides their dishonorable track record. I don't recommend forgiving parents in all cases, but sometimes, it is warranted, namely when they give a heartfelt apology. I now perceive my main trauma as a legal trauma - I hate any legal defense that supports punishing a child. The Bible does allow for me to call out the entitlement in my parents, and when the topic of my abuse comes up, I remind them of the errors in their ways. A child has the right to speak against their parents whenever they perceive abuse from them. My parents punished me using false imprisonment tactics such as time-out and grounding, as well as the occasional disciplinary spanking done "out of love".

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!