Temper tantrums: Why temper tantrums are not bad behavior

Many parents have had to deal with it. A child throwing a kicking and screaming temper tantrum. Most parents punish their children when they throw temper tantrums. However, crying in and of itself is a normal phase of child development. Temper tantrums happen when your child doesn't feel heard.

Tending to crying children is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely on the part of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to perform good works for their children, with children resting securely in the good works of parents. Good works here refers to doing good things for your children, meeting the every need of children, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents , who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church/ Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon.

Temper tantrums are a leading motive for child punishments nationwide these days. However, there was a day when children didn't regularly throw themselves onto the floor in the form of a temper tantrum. Instead, Christian parents in the Early Church tended to the every cry of their child. Children growing up in the Early Church almost never kicked and screamed on the ground in a temper tantrum, and that was because mothers tended to the cries of children, not ignoring any cry coming from children.

Crying is a normal phase of child development. Temper tantrums only happen when children are punished for crying. A normal reason for a child crying is separation anxiety. Whenever children growing up in the Early Church felt detached from mom, they cried a deathly, screeching cry that no loving mother could ignore. That crying would not stop until all of the child's needs were fully met. Usually, but not always, children cried out of fear that mothers would "go away and never come back". Once that need was ruled out, mom kept diagnosing until all of the child's vulnerable needs were met, through trial and error. 

Temper tantrums happen when children are punished merely for crying. When that happens, children learn to hide their emotions, until the child blows their top because they can't hold it in any longer. Christian parents in the Early Church avoided this by tending to the every cry of children, from day one. Children cried intensely for mom during the first 6 years of childhood, not stopping the cries until all of the child's needs are met. Whenever a child is kicking and screaming on the ground, they are not being listened to. 

Lawful trauma can be understood as a battle of wills. Whenever you seek to control a child, they seek to control back. The way to attachment parenting is to give up the fight with your child, and give into the cries for vulnerable needs. You may find that your child isn't asking for much. In most cases, all they need is YOU as their mother. I myself was a willful child growing up, and when adults battled me, I battled back. I only got along with teachers who didn't battle me. Whenever you punish a child like I was punished, they fight back, and keep fighting until the parents give up the fight. In the Early Church, children were given warmth from day one, and thus did not throw temper tantrums at all. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss, which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent. for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!