"Benign" deprivation: Why children need ALL of their needs

Many parents buy into the concept of "benign" deprivation. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents believe in denying children some of their needs in order to save the convenience of parents for what children "really" need. However, the Bible, when understood in context, prohibits denying your child any of their needs, including benign wants.

"Benign" deprivation is a violation of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to perform good works for their children, with children resting securely in the good works of parents. Good works is defined here as doing good things for your child, meeting your child's every vulnerable need, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing their children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon.

Most American parents allow themselves to deprive their children of certain needs in order to make room for what their children "really" need. However, Christian parents in the Early Church met the EVERY need of their children. Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their children before picking up the child, and from there, she diagnosed the need before meeting it. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. Whatever children needed, they got it.

Most American parents deprived their children of needs by telling their children "no" all of the time. However, children do not need to hear the word "no" all of the time. Save the word "no" for when a child's request is unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Children usually cried when denied a request, in which case the mother gave the crying child an explanation and reassurance. Even then, Christian parents usually declined the want using nicer sounding phrases such as "that won't work" or "that can't happen". 

Children need to hear the word "yes" far more often than the word "no" . Even a benign want is still a need, as depriving children of benign wants alone could harm the parent-child bond. Most benign wants constitute an attachment need, and thus should be treated as a vulnerable need in a child. The only wants that a parent could deny their children was harmful wants.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!