"Benign" deprivation: Why children need ALL of what they need

Many parents believe in the acronym of "benign" deprivation. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents believe in the concept of ignoring some of what the child needs, in order to focus on what they "really" need. The fact of the matter is that children need ALL of what they need.

The concept of "benign" deprivation is a violation of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof in a mutual submission relationship falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV: 

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where children are to do good works towards their children, with children resting in the good works of parents, with parents expecting absolutely nothing in return for good works for children. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated  "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Most American parents support "benign" deprivation, meaning parents willfully ignore much of the needs of children to focus on what the child "really" needs. However, children growing up in the Early Church got their EVERY need met, not just the needs the parents felt like meeting. Whenever a child cried, mothers cooed at children before picking them up, and from there, she diagnosed the need before meeting it. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. Whatever the children needed, they got it.

The most common method of depriving children is to say "no" to virtually everything that they ask for.  However, children growing up in the Early Church, according to customary law then, were only given the word "no" when the child was asking for something that was unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Even then, parents were required to apologize to their child with reassurance and an explanation given. With that said, parents usually chose nicer sounding alternatives to the word "no", such as "that can't happen" or "that won't work". 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!