Righteous ordering: Why parents are to heel to the command of children

Many parents think that they call the shots. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents demand that children listen to them. However, the Bible, when understood in context, endorses parents heeling to the command of children. 

The doctrine of righteous ordering is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission to children. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing their children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Righteous ordering means that children have the right to order their parents around from their place of rest, with parents heeling to the command of their children. By default, Christian parents in the Early Church were prohibited under customary law from telling their children "no". The only exceptions to this general rule is if the orders from children were unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Even then, when children were told "no", it came with reassurance and an explanation. Even in that case, parents usually used nicer words than an abrupt "no" such as "that won't work" or "that can't happen".

Righteous ordering can be understood as akin to ordering at a restaurant. You can have it your way, but it has to be on the menu. If an item is unavailable, the waitress is nice about it, even if you aren't. Bringing up children is much like being a waitress at a restaurant. A waitress serves others selflessly, just as a parent serves their children selflessly.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!